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Lesson 4
Learning About Myself

     My experience has caused me to have a strong opinion that training our children in service is crucial to the growth of their faith and is a key factor in seeing them remain in the Lord's church as they grow into adulthood.  Teaching children early that they are able to give and contribute to the family and the Kingdom creates a servant's heart.  It also develops good self esteem and prevents an entitled attitude.  The selfish nature of children is combated by the instruction that it is more blessed to give than to receive.  This first has to be modeled to the children in our lives as parents.  They must see us serving willingly and joyfully.  And when the children are included in the family serving, they learn that they are a vital part of the family.  Our children are empowered to develop the desire to continue to serve independent of our instruction to do so. 

     This effort can be thwarted when we as moms don't feel we have anything to offer.  When we are not aware of the gifts we have or when we feel our gifts are not as important as others, our children may be missing out on this most important lesson.

     

     The scripture states that the Son of Man did not come into the world to be served but to serve.  His entire existence was to serve us.  On the night before He was arrested, Jesus gave a humble example of service as He washed the disciple's feet.  His instruction was to go and do the same.  We are saved by faith in Christ Jesus but the scriptures also teach that we are saved for good works.  Revelation uses the imagery that the white robes we spiritually wear are indeed the "righteous acts of the saints."  It is clear that a follower of Jesus is to be a servant.

 

     It is our duty as a follower of Christ to serve and to teach our children to do the same.  But in a world that is so "me" focused, how can we accomplish this?  Our culture can be cut throat, prideful, and competitive.  We tend to compare ourselves to others and as a result we may not have a good feeling about ourselves or what we can offer.  

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     In this lesson we are going to take an honest look at ourselves to learn what gifts God has given to us and to evaluate how well we are using those gifts to glorify the Lord and train our children.

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Romans 12: 6-8

"We have different gifts according to the grace given us.  If one's gift is prophecy, let him use it in proportion to his faith;  if it is serving, let him serve;  if it is teaching, let him teach;  if it is encouraging, let him encourage;  if it is giving, let him give generously; if it is leading, let him lead with diligence;  if it is showing mercy, let him do it cheerfully."

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     In Matthew 25 we see the parable of the talents.  Three servants were entrusted with various amounts of money according to their ability.  When the master returned to the servants he evaluated what the servants had done with their gift.  Two invested their gifts to gain more.  One servant hid the gift and did not use it or try to increase the value of the gift.  The master was pleased only with the servants who used the gifts that were given.  His anger was quite severe toward the one who did not even try to use the gift he was given.  The master took the gift from the one who hid it and gave it to the ones who used their gifts.

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     There are some things to notice about this story.

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1.)  All were given something according to their ability.  But all the gifts were not the same.  The type of gift or the amount of the gift was not important.

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2.)  The ones who used their gift did increase the value of the gift but how it was used was not important, only that it was used for the master's benefit and was increased.

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3.)  The only displeasure came when the gift was not used at all.

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The parable states in verse 29

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"For everyone who has will be given more and he will have an abundance.  But the one who does not have, even what he has will be taken away from him."

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     It is humbling to think that unused gifts may result in things being taken away.  My opinion is that one consequence of not purposely using the gifts God has given us will be loosing the opportunity to teach our children to be servants in the Lord's kingdom.  That may hinder your own spiritual growth and the growth of your children.  It may even keep them from salvation.

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1 Peter 4:10 "As each has received a gift, use it to serve one another as good stewards of God's varied grace."

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1 Corinthians 12: 4-6  "Now there are varieties of gifts but the same spirit; and there are varieties of service, but the same Lord;  and there are varieties of activities but it is the same God who empowers them all in everyone."

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Colossians 3: 23-24  "Whatever you do, work heartily as for the Lord and not for men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the inheritance as your reward.  You are serving the Lord Christ."

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     So, what are you good at?  I must take you back to our first lesson.  We must have the right mindset!  We may think that we are not able to do the "big" churchy things like preaching or teaching so we don't think we have anything to give

Again, I ask, what are you good at?

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Here are some gifts to consider:

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teaching

caregiving

encouraging

giving generously

mercy giving

administrating

hospitality giving

helping

praying

building 

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     Whatever the gift, our goal is to use it generously and increase in the gift giving!  We must see what we do as doing it unto the Lord.  That might change our attitude as we serve.There are a few things to consider as we work on our mindset about serving.

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1.)  Resist the temptation to compare you gifts with others.  In doing so we risk one of two things.  First we may think we are a better servant if we do more than others.  And secondly, we may feel insignificant if we do less.  God's emphasis in on using what we have and increasing.  It is not a competition.  All servants are working together to advance the kingdom.  Each servant is of equal value!

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2.)  Resist the urge to complain about serving.  This indicates a poor mindset and hinders your example to your children.  Instead, speak positively about how it pleases God to give and serve others.

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3.)  Trust that the promise of God will become evident that you "reap what you sow."  It will not be long before the joy of giving will bless you and your children and they will be finding ways on their own to  serve others. You will see purpose and joy and a lovely spirit develop in your children as their selfish nature will fade away.

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 STUDY QUESTIONS

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1.   What are you good at?

2.   What is your attitude about serving?

3.   How can you be more intentional about training your children to serve with a joyful attitude?

4.   Do you praise your children when they legitimately serve unselfishly?

5.   Where would you like to serve more for Christ?

6.   What are ways you have found to encourage a giving spirit among your family?

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WOMEN’S ROLES

LESSON 2

GAINING UNDERSTANDING

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As a young christian I once attended a ladies rally. I was so impressed with the speaker that day and although I can not remember her name or where she was from, I clung to a phrase she used and it has been a blessing in my life for many years. She spoke of dealing with difficult people in her life and how God had worked through those situations. Her words weren’t earth shattering and you may say it was not that profound but it pierced me to the heart. She said, “When dealing with people we must always seek to gain understanding.” There are reasons why people act the way they do. Instead of labeling someone and judging quickly, seek to understand their lives, their hearts and your feelings often soften and change.

I have thought about that so often as the years go by and it has helped me in my relationships as I seek to know someone and love someone. In my youth it was easy to quickly make a determination about someone and not put any effort into understanding them.

As wives and mothers God has given us a unique role of helper, as we examined in the last lesson. He has also equipped women with certain qualities to cause them to excel in this role.

GENERAL DIFFERENCES BETWEEN MEN AND WOMEN

Men are very compartmentalized. They tend to think of one thing at a time. God has designed men to be protectors, providers, and they are task oriented. Women, on the other hand can think of multiple things at the same time and are better at multi tasking. Women are designed to be nurturers and can feel deeply for others. God asks us to have our primary focus on managing the home while men’s primary role is leadership and provision.

Women tend to be better communicators when it comes to the emotions. While men can set tasks and accomplish them, it often doesn’t take into account the feelings surrounding the action.

Of course there are exceptions but as a general rule these things are true.

Because women are gifted with these tender qualities I believe that we can set the tone in our homes and be that safe place for our family. If we take the time to “gain understanding” with our husbands, and our children we can foster healthy relationships within the home.

The opposite is also true. When we lack understanding of each other there is no peace.

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We adopted our foster son after he had been with us for 4 years. He was 8 years old. He had been taken out of his home at 4 years old due to his mother’s lack of ability to care for him well. At the time the state did not impress upon us the importance of therapy, and the challenges of attachment under these circumstances. As I look back we were not prepared for the difficulties that were inevitably coming. We did not have understanding, nor were we encouraged to gain understanding.

At 18 he left home and I was devastated. He no longer called me mom and all I felt was hurt. I had given so much and this was the way he thanked me? Lack of understanding lead to no peace, and anger, and broken relationships.
We sought help from a counselor and she was able to shed light on our situation. She explained what was going on in our son’s mind and heart and I was able to understand. I could love deeper and patiently wait until he grew through his emotions.

I wish I had known. I wish I had been prepared. I wish I had gained understanding sooner. God has healed and restored our relationship and I will always be mom now. I praise Him for being the God of restoration. But the lack of understanding caused pain for years.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

We are called to be helpers. We spoke about how we are to help as God helps. I also think that God can be our example also as we seek to understand.

Our God knows us intimately!

Psalm 139: 1-4 “O Lord, you have searched me and known me! You know when I sit down and when I rise up; You discern my thoughts from afar...even before a word is on my tongue, behold, O Lord, you know it altogether.”

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Nahum 1:7. “The Lord is good, a stronghold in the day of trouble, He knows those who take refuge in Him.”

He knows our daily routines. He understands our thoughts. He is aware of our needs. We are fully known and loved by our Heavenly Father.

We can seek understanding in the same way.

Prov. 3:13. “Blessed is the one who finds wisdom, and the one who gets understanding.”

Prov 16:16 “How much better to get wisdom than gold! To get understanding is to be chosen rather than silver.”

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Matt. 5:9 “Blessed are the peacemakers for they should be called the children of God”

Hebrews 12:14 “Pursue peace with everyone, as well as holiness, without which no one will see the Lord.”

Rom. 14:19. “So then, let us pursue what leads to peace and to mutual edification.”

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HAVING YOUR FINGER ON THE PULSE OF YOUR FAMILY

 

1.) Take the time to communicate with family members individually about their thoughts, desires, and struggles. Be quick to listen and slow to speak. Show compassion and interest as they share. (This is more important than any household chore that needs to be done.)

 

2.) Find opportunities to grow as a couple. Attend events that focus on marriage. Read books together. Watch helpful podcasts.

 

3.) As you face behaviors that upset you seek to find out what is going on underneath. Don’t react right away before you pray and ponder what might be causing such behavior.

 

4.) Educate yourself with material that can enlighten you to the psychology of behavior. Our past experiences make us what we are. As we understand what may have contributed to our behavior it helps us find ways to change.

 

5.) Don’t be ashamed to admit we struggle. But don’t be closed to the fact that God can heal.

 

6.) Realize that it is a great calling to be the one who helps people understand. It is also a great burden. It takes sacrifice to put others first instead of just blaming and being angry. Selfishness will want to creep in and must be fought!

 

7.) It is exhausting sometimes. Have a trusted person in your life who can partner with you in prayer over your relationships.

 

8.) Remember that it is all worth it. It is worth every tear, every hard conversation, every feeling of rejection, every sleepless night to be the one who relentlessly seeks understanding, peace and love. There will be eternal blessings!

 

Galatians 6 : 7-10 “Do not be deceived; God is not to be mocked. Whatever a man sows, he will reap in return. The one who sows to please his flesh, from the flesh will reap destruction; but the one who sows to please the Spirit, from Spirit will reap eternal life. Let us not grow weary in well-doing, for in due time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to everyone, and especially to the family of faith.”

 

Some suggestions for resources

How We Love.                                                                                                Milan and Kay Yerkovich
Laugh your way to a better Marriage The Grace Marriage                        Mark Gungor

The Grace Marriage                                                                                       Brad and Marilyn Rhoads

You and Me Forever                                                                                       Francis and Lisa Chan                                                         

 5 Love Languages                                                                                        Gary Chapman


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