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Lesson 2
Accepting God's Forgivness for Myself

Psalm 103: 12

"As far as the east is from the west, so far has He removed our transgressions from us."

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In the book, "Own your past, change your future" by Dr John Delony, he states,"Forgiveness is a bold and brave display of power."

I have really taken time to chew on that.  I certainly can agree that God, through the death and resurrection of Jesus displayed an 

amazing power in that He provided a way for all to be forgiven.

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Michael 7: 18-19

"Who is a God like You?  Who pardons iniquity and passes over the transgression of the remnant of His inheritance - who does not retain His anger forever because He delights in loving devotion.  He will again have compassion on us.  He will vanquish our iniquities.  You will cast out all our sins into the depth of the sea."

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God promises that, "He will remember them no more."

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Psalm 32:5

"I will confess my transgressions to the Lord and You will forgive the guilt of my sin."

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Not only does the power of God forgive the acts of our sins but He forgives the guilt of our sins.  We are no longer held accountable for the penalty of our sins.  There may be consequences we have to live with but guilt should not be one of them.  We may tend, though, to continue to feel guilty for all our wrong doings.  We sometimes hold on to the soul crushing feelings of guilt and shame even when God says it is no more.  When we don't accept the forgiveness of God we are saying that Christ's blood shed on the cross is not powerful enough to forgive.

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And when someone hurts us, we can hold  on to the pain and trauma of that sin against us.  It is sometimes very difficult to lay down those heavy feelings that hinder our best life.  Guilt and bitterness can poison your soul.

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Isaiah 55:6-9

"Seek the Lord while He may be found; call on Him while He is near.  Let the wicked man forsake his own way and the unrighteous man his own thoughts; let him return to the Lord that He may have compassion, and to our God for He will freely pardon.  For My thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways My ways." declares the Lord. "For the heavens are higher than the earth, so My ways are higher than your ways and My thoughts than your thoughts."

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God's ways are so much higher than ours and it is a struggle to fight against our own nature.  We can find it unreasonable to accept God's forgiveness and move forward in joy.  It can also be just as hard to forgive as God has forgiven us.  Sin holds us captive and bitterness can create its own bondage.   The Bible urges us to avoid such chains.

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Eph. 4:31-32

"Get rid of bitterness, rage and anger, outcry and slander, along with every form of malice.  Be kind and tenderhearted to one another, forgiving each other just as in Christ, God forgave you."

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So when I think back to Dr. Delony's quote, I have to see how our act of accepting God's forgiveness and forgiving others is truly a "bold and brave display of power."  Not our power, but the power of the Holy Spirit living within us.  This act has so much power to defuse difficulty and free us to have joyful contentment in our lives.  And since God's ways are higher than ours it also demonstrates to the world the power of God and flies in the face of worldly wisdom.

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Prov. 17: 19

"Whoever would foster love covers over an offense but whoever repeats a matter separates close friends."

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Holding on to and repeating sin that God has already forgiven is crippling emotionally and spiritually.  Somehow we think that we don't deserve to move forward with joy after we have sinned but that is not how God sees it.  Forgiveness is freeing!  As moms we will surely make plenty of mistakes but God forgives all.  A house that holds forgiveness as a high priority will flourish.

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TIPS FOR TEACHING A FORGIVING SPIRIT

 

1) Practice saying words like, "I am sorry! Will you forgive me?"

                                                  "I choose to forgive you."

Teach children that both parties in a conflict where one sins against another have choices to make.

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2) Be mindful and grateful for God's forgiveness.  Remind yourself often that God has blotted out ALL of your sin.

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3) Be careful how you speak about people who have hurt you.  Even if you are still processing your pain and situation, don't model an angry and bitter spirit in front of your family.

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4) Try to seek understanding about why someone might act in a hurtful way toward you.  Talk openly about how everyone deals with things we may have no clue about.  Model a compassionate and gracious attitude.

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5) Work on self control in your thought processes.  Take every negative and bitter thought captive to the obedience of Christ.  

2Cor. 10 :5.

Work on matching thoughts with truth. Meditate on truth.

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If this is an area in which you struggle, share with a trusted friend and have a prayer partner to help you overcome.

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STUDY QUESTIONS

1) Identify any areas in your life where you may be harboring feelings of guilt and shame over sins that God has forgiven.  Acknowledge that God is powerful enough to forgive anything.  Then live the truth that you are forgiven.

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2) Do you find forgiving others to be easy or difficult?

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3) Where can you be better in modeling grace and forgiveness in your home?

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4) Do you find yourself keeping records of wrong doings against you?

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5) How do you feel about Matt. 5:44?

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"...Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be sons of your Father in heaven.  He causes His sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous.  If you love those who love you, what reward will you get?  Do not even the tax collectors do the same?  And if you greet only your brothers, what are you doing more than others? Do not even the Gentiles do the same?"

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WOMEN’S ROLES

LESSON 2

GAINING UNDERSTANDING

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As a young christian I once attended a ladies rally. I was so impressed with the speaker that day and although I can not remember her name or where she was from, I clung to a phrase she used and it has been a blessing in my life for many years. She spoke of dealing with difficult people in her life and how God had worked through those situations. Her words weren’t earth shattering and you may say it was not that profound but it pierced me to the heart. She said, “When dealing with people we must always seek to gain understanding.” There are reasons why people act the way they do. Instead of labeling someone and judging quickly, seek to understand their lives, their hearts and your feelings often soften and change.

I have thought about that so often as the years go by and it has helped me in my relationships as I seek to know someone and love someone. In my youth it was easy to quickly make a determination about someone and not put any effort into understanding them.

As wives and mothers God has given us a unique role of helper, as we examined in the last lesson. He has also equipped women with certain qualities to cause them to excel in this role.

GENERAL DIFFERENCES BETWEEN MEN AND WOMEN

Men are very compartmentalized. They tend to think of one thing at a time. God has designed men to be protectors, providers, and they are task oriented. Women, on the other hand can think of multiple things at the same time and are better at multi tasking. Women are designed to be nurturers and can feel deeply for others. God asks us to have our primary focus on managing the home while men’s primary role is leadership and provision.

Women tend to be better communicators when it comes to the emotions. While men can set tasks and accomplish them, it often doesn’t take into account the feelings surrounding the action.

Of course there are exceptions but as a general rule these things are true.

Because women are gifted with these tender qualities I believe that we can set the tone in our homes and be that safe place for our family. If we take the time to “gain understanding” with our husbands, and our children we can foster healthy relationships within the home.

The opposite is also true. When we lack understanding of each other there is no peace.

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We adopted our foster son after he had been with us for 4 years. He was 8 years old. He had been taken out of his home at 4 years old due to his mother’s lack of ability to care for him well. At the time the state did not impress upon us the importance of therapy, and the challenges of attachment under these circumstances. As I look back we were not prepared for the difficulties that were inevitably coming. We did not have understanding, nor were we encouraged to gain understanding.

At 18 he left home and I was devastated. He no longer called me mom and all I felt was hurt. I had given so much and this was the way he thanked me? Lack of understanding lead to no peace, and anger, and broken relationships.
We sought help from a counselor and she was able to shed light on our situation. She explained what was going on in our son’s mind and heart and I was able to understand. I could love deeper and patiently wait until he grew through his emotions.

I wish I had known. I wish I had been prepared. I wish I had gained understanding sooner. God has healed and restored our relationship and I will always be mom now. I praise Him for being the God of restoration. But the lack of understanding caused pain for years.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

We are called to be helpers. We spoke about how we are to help as God helps. I also think that God can be our example also as we seek to understand.

Our God knows us intimately!

Psalm 139: 1-4 “O Lord, you have searched me and known me! You know when I sit down and when I rise up; You discern my thoughts from afar...even before a word is on my tongue, behold, O Lord, you know it altogether.”

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Nahum 1:7. “The Lord is good, a stronghold in the day of trouble, He knows those who take refuge in Him.”

He knows our daily routines. He understands our thoughts. He is aware of our needs. We are fully known and loved by our Heavenly Father.

We can seek understanding in the same way.

Prov. 3:13. “Blessed is the one who finds wisdom, and the one who gets understanding.”

Prov 16:16 “How much better to get wisdom than gold! To get understanding is to be chosen rather than silver.”

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Matt. 5:9 “Blessed are the peacemakers for they should be called the children of God”

Hebrews 12:14 “Pursue peace with everyone, as well as holiness, without which no one will see the Lord.”

Rom. 14:19. “So then, let us pursue what leads to peace and to mutual edification.”

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HAVING YOUR FINGER ON THE PULSE OF YOUR FAMILY

 

1.) Take the time to communicate with family members individually about their thoughts, desires, and struggles. Be quick to listen and slow to speak. Show compassion and interest as they share. (This is more important than any household chore that needs to be done.)

 

2.) Find opportunities to grow as a couple. Attend events that focus on marriage. Read books together. Watch helpful podcasts.

 

3.) As you face behaviors that upset you seek to find out what is going on underneath. Don’t react right away before you pray and ponder what might be causing such behavior.

 

4.) Educate yourself with material that can enlighten you to the psychology of behavior. Our past experiences make us what we are. As we understand what may have contributed to our behavior it helps us find ways to change.

 

5.) Don’t be ashamed to admit we struggle. But don’t be closed to the fact that God can heal.

 

6.) Realize that it is a great calling to be the one who helps people understand. It is also a great burden. It takes sacrifice to put others first instead of just blaming and being angry. Selfishness will want to creep in and must be fought!

 

7.) It is exhausting sometimes. Have a trusted person in your life who can partner with you in prayer over your relationships.

 

8.) Remember that it is all worth it. It is worth every tear, every hard conversation, every feeling of rejection, every sleepless night to be the one who relentlessly seeks understanding, peace and love. There will be eternal blessings!

 

Galatians 6 : 7-10 “Do not be deceived; God is not to be mocked. Whatever a man sows, he will reap in return. The one who sows to please his flesh, from the flesh will reap destruction; but the one who sows to please the Spirit, from Spirit will reap eternal life. Let us not grow weary in well-doing, for in due time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to everyone, and especially to the family of faith.”

 

Some suggestions for resources

How We Love.                                                                                                Milan and Kay Yerkovich
Laugh your way to a better Marriage The Grace Marriage                        Mark Gungor

The Grace Marriage                                                                                       Brad and Marilyn Rhoads

You and Me Forever                                                                                       Francis and Lisa Chan                                                         

 5 Love Languages                                                                                        Gary Chapman


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