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Lesson 1

How We Talk

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"...For the mouth speaks out of that which fills the heart.  The good man brings out of his good treasure what is good; and the evil man brings out of his evil treasure what is evil.  But I tell you that every careless word that people speak, they shall give an accounting for it in the day of judgement.  For by your words you will be justified and by your words you will be condemned."

Matthew 12:34

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"Let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth, but only such a word as is good for edification according to the need of the moment, so that it will give grace to those who hear."

Ephesians 4:29

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"Whoever guards his mouth preserves his life; he who opens wide his lips comes to ruin,"

Proverbs 13:3

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"Know this, my beloved brothers; let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger..."

James 1:19

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"Let your speech always be gracious, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer each person."

Colossians 4:6

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"A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger."

Proverbs 15:1

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"To speak evil of no one, to avoid quarreling, to be gentle, and to show perfect courtesy toward all people."

Titus 3:2

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"Death and life are in the power of the tongue..."

Proverbs 18:21

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"She opens her mouth with wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue."

Proverbs 31:26

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A verse that can be our daily prayer-

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"Set a guard, O Lord, over my mouth; Keep watch over the door of my lips."

Psalm 141:3

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The Bible has much to say about the way we are to talk.  In the few verses written here we can see that our words can hurt or heal and can even  bring life or death.  I am sure we all have an example of when the words someone said to us encouraged our spirit.  I am also sure that we have other examples of the true pain we felt over a careless spoken word.

I love how Proverbs 31 describes the ideal women.  One of her attributes is carefully spoken words. Words of wisdom and kindness are seen in her life.

 

By taking to heart the instruction in Titus 2:3 to not be women of untruth and slander, we can work on controlling our speech so to bring blessings to all who hear us.  Think of how we feel when we are around that negative person who never seems to have anything kind to say and contrast that with your favorite encourager.  Who would you rather be? Who would your children rather you be and who would your husband rather live with?

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Let's consider our speech in 5 areas.

1. How we speak to and about ourselves

2. How we speak to and about our husbands

3. How we speak to and about our children

4. How we speak to and about the church

5. How we speak to and about others

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In Lesson 1 of the Building Myself Series we spoke about how negative self talk can be a destroyer. We can be so unkind to ourselves.  As a result we unintentionally teach our children to be negative people as well.  Viewing ourselves as God views us is the way to combat the problem of putting ourselves down. Refer to Lesson 1 for more help.

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I urge you to consider how you speak to and about your husband.  There is nothing more offensive in my opinion than a woman who openly criticizes her husband in public.  It is so degrading and ugly.  Proverbs 31:12 says that the wife of noble character will do her husband good, not harm, all the days of her life.  And in 1 Peter 4:8, the scripture says that we are to love each other deeply because love covers over a multitude of sins.  Our husbands, like us have flaws and sins that can be difficult to deal with but the public shaming of our spouses is not a way to deal with difficulty.   It is easy to take for granted the ones we love the most and I believe we can fall into the trap of disrespect if we are not careful to guard our mouth.

 

Our speech has the ability to tear down or build up.  The way we speak to our children can either bring safety and peace to their lives or fear and uncertainty.  Parenting can be a very frustrating thing and it is easy to loose our temper.  I can't tell you how many times I had to repent over my careless words to my children.  A quick temper and harsh words can last a very long time.  They are not easily forgotten.

Take time to stay silent when you are frustrated long enough to pray and carefully consider what should be said in any given situation. If this is an area that is difficult for you, ask a friend to be a help to you.  She can pray for you and be available to advise and encourage you in times of weakness.

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Another area where our speech can help or hurt is in how we talk about the Church.  God calls the Church His bride and I am sure He does not like to hear people talking negatively about His beloved.  As with anything else, the church is filled with imperfect people who mess up and sin.  If difficult conversations need to happen I encourage you to be careful how you speak of the church and its leaders.  Truth must be accompanied by love.  Respect and honor should be given to all people.  How we speak about the body of Christ shows our love and honor for God's people. Consider how your conversations about the Church are influencing your children. God is not pleased when we badmouth anyone, especially His children.

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Lastly,  as representatives of Christ, be careful how you talk to others.  Our speech can either

 give good gifts or destructive gifts.  Our speech can teach our children to develop a heart of compassion toward others or a critical spirit.  We can model for our children how to see the soul of a person as God does or our action can model a deceitful spirit.   We can speak as one who is filled with grace or we can elevate self by putting others down.   We can encourage others to be the best they can be for the Lord or we can teach our children to have a thirst for drama and gossip.  And when we fall short in our speech we can either justify our poor behavior or we can demonstrate for our children how to repent and ask for forgiveness.  We can show them that you can heal injuries caused by the tongue. It is all a choice to control our tongue.

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Pray daily Psalm 141:3 and the Lord who loves us will honor our prayers.  The Holy Spirit will develop in us kindness and patience and gentleness and self control.

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WOMEN’S ROLES

Lesson 1

“ROLES, NOT IDENTITY”

 

As we look at the creation story in Genesis, we see that God was satisfied with each day of His handiwork.  We see the phrase “And God saw that it was good” over and over.  On the sixth day God said:

 

“Let us make man in Our image, after Our likeness”  “So God created man in His own image.”

 

God ordained man to rule over creation.  The Bible says that male and female, He created them.  And God said it was not only good but “VERY good”

 

In Genesis 2:18 God indicates the first thing that He said was not good during the seven days of creation.  And that was, it was not good for man to be alone.  In all of creation, the birds of the air and the fish of the sea and the beasts fo the land, there was not found a suitable helper for man.

 

“So the Lord God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep, and while he slept she took one of the man’s ribs and closed up the area with flesh.  And from that rib that the Lord God had taken from the man, He made a woman and brought her to him.” Gen. 2: 21 and 22

 

Woman was created to be a “suitable helper”.  The King James Bible uses the term “Help Meet”  What does that mean?

 

As we look at scriptures that talk about the role of women, we can be thrust into so many emotions.  These scriptures can be hard to swallow.  But I ask the question, Are the scriptures difficult or is it my heart that is not soft enough to meditate on these verses? Do I have preconceived ideas, negative past experiences, or selfish, self preserving defenses that go up immediately as I look upon such ideas?

 

In Elyse Fitzpatrick’s book entitled, “Helper by Design”  She says this about handling such scriptures as she started the project of writing her book:

 

“Honestly, there were days I strongly considered forsaking the whole project.  Then, when by God’s mercy, I once again regained forward motion, I felt I was walking in the dark…trying to learn what I just tripped over, picking up a stone, holding it…examining it, experiencing it.  What does the heat of this rock mean?  Is it really blistering hot or is it just that my hands are so cold?  Is it genuinely sharp?  Does it have to cut, or am I hanging on to it too tightly or holding it in the wrong places?”

 

I believe that as we look at what God instructs, it does not have to sting. If we open our heart to God’s instructions we will see something powerful and beautiful.

 

Let’s remember a few things before we begin.

 

  1. We are God’s beloved children.  (Eph. 5:1)

  2. Everything God instructs is for our own good and pleasure. (Jer. 29:11)

  3. God longs to bless us and give us the desires of our hearts. (2 Chron. 16:9)(Psalm 37:4)

  4. We can only control ourselves. (Phil. 2:12-13 )

 

As women we fill many roles.   We are daughters and sisters. We may choose to marry taking on the role of helper and wife.  We may have children taking on the role of mother.  We may choose roles like teacher, health care provider, coach, boss of a company, etc.

We must remember that no matter the roles we fill,  they are not our identity.

Our identity is CHILD OF GOD CREATED IN HIS IMAGE.  This is the main point I want to get across in this lesson.  And I believe that if we put this truth into our hearts it will help us accept the role of helper to our husband. It will help us embrace the role in a different light.

 

As a christian woman, our goal in life is to reflect Christ in all we do.  To be His hands and feet.  We seek to glorify God with the work of our hands and to glorify and imitate God within any role we fill.

 

Elyse Fitzpatrick suggests that we can gain greater understanding of what a helper does if we imitate our Heavenly Father who is our great helper.

 

 

IN WHAT WAYS IS GOD OUR HELPER?

 

God strengthens-

Psalm 54:4 - “Behold, God is my helper:  The Lord is of them that uphold my soul.”

 

Isa. 41:10 - “Don’t be afraid, for I am with you.  Don’t be discouraged, for I am your God.  I will strengthen you and help you.  I will hold you up with my victorious right hand.”

 

Psalm 46:1 - “God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in time of trouble.”

 

 

God sustains-

 

Isa. 46:4 - “I will be your God throughout your lifetime- Until your hair is white with age.  I made you and I will care for you.  I will cary you along and I will save you.”

 

God comforts-

 

2 Cor 1 : 3-4 “…God is our merciful Father and the source of all comfort.  He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others….”

 

God protects-

 

2 Thes. 3:3 - “…The Lord is faithful; He will strengthen you and guard you from the evil one.”

 

 

We can always count on God to hold to his promises.  So, in that light let’s answer these questions.

 

  1. Can our husband always count on us?

  2. How can we strengthen our husband?

  3. How can we help sustain him?

  4. What is the best way to comfort our husband?

  5. How can we protect our husband?

  6. How do we treat our husband in a time of trouble?

 

We all know that the world is a tough place.  As we go out to work and purchase and live our lives we can be knocked down in many ways.  I want our home and my presence to be a source of strength, comfort and protection to my husband and family.  I want my husband to want to come home because it is the place where he feels safe, secure, respected and a respite from the world.  As wives, we have the power to create an atmosphere that fosters those characteristics.

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Last night Frank came home and to my surprise he said to me, “ My eyes were really opened today.”  He had been out plowing snow for 13 hours. This caught my attention. “ I just want to thank you for being the kind of woman that you are.”  Ok. That was nice. Why was he compelled to say this?  Apparently he had witnessed some conversations where he was shocked at how the man in those conversations was being spoken to.  He heard great disrespect, ungratefulness, and ugliness.  He said he could not imagine being spoken to in the manner he had heard.  I said thank you and asked, “ So my nagging isn’t so bad?”

He laughed and said,”Bring it on!”

I love my husband with all my heart and was so thankful he sees me as a source of strength, comfort and a safe haven from the world.  I am not perfect by any means but I only want my husband to thrive in our lives and family.

 

 

 

 

Being a helper to our husband goes far deeper than just having dinner ready at a certain time.  It is not a lesser role.  It does not devalue us.  If anything it is a beautiful thing when we show the love that God shows. It is tremendously powerful when we “build our house”.  We want good things for the man we love.

 

As parents it is a wonderful gift to give our children; showing them how to love and honor another human being and to strive for what is good in another person’s life.

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