Lesson 1
How We Talk
"...For the mouth speaks out of that which fills the heart. The good man brings out of his good treasure what is good; and the evil man brings out of his evil treasure what is evil. But I tell you that every careless word that people speak, they shall give an accounting for it in the day of judgement. For by your words you will be justified and by your words you will be condemned."
Matthew 12:34
"Let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth, but only such a word as is good for edification according to the need of the moment, so that it will give grace to those who hear."
Ephesians 4:29
"Whoever guards his mouth preserves his life; he who opens wide his lips comes to ruin,"
Proverbs 13:3
"Know this, my beloved brothers; let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger..."
James 1:19
"Let your speech always be gracious, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer each person."
Colossians 4:6
"A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger."
Proverbs 15:1
"To speak evil of no one, to avoid quarreling, to be gentle, and to show perfect courtesy toward all people."
Titus 3:2
"Death and life are in the power of the tongue..."
Proverbs 18:21
"She opens her mouth with wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue."
Proverbs 31:26
A verse that can be our daily prayer-
"Set a guard, O Lord, over my mouth; Keep watch over the door of my lips."
Psalm 141:3
The Bible has much to say about the way we are to talk. In the few verses written here we can see that our words can hurt or heal and can even bring life or death. I am sure we all have an example of when the words someone said to us encouraged our spirit. I am also sure that we have other examples of the true pain we felt over a careless spoken word.
I love how Proverbs 31 describes the ideal women. One of her attributes is carefully spoken words. Words of wisdom and kindness are seen in her life.
By taking to heart the instruction in Titus 2:3 to not be women of untruth and slander, we can work on controlling our speech so to bring blessings to all who hear us. Think of how we feel when we are around that negative person who never seems to have anything kind to say and contrast that with your favorite encourager. Who would you rather be? Who would your children rather you be and who would your husband rather live with?
Let's consider our speech in 5 areas.
1. How we speak to and about ourselves
2. How we speak to and about our husbands
3. How we speak to and about our children
4. How we speak to and about the church
5. How we speak to and about others
In Lesson 1 of the Building Myself Series we spoke about how negative self talk can be a destroyer. We can be so unkind to ourselves. As a result we unintentionally teach our children to be negative people as well. Viewing ourselves as God views us is the way to combat the problem of putting ourselves down. Refer to Lesson 1 for more help.
I urge you to consider how you speak to and about your husband. There is nothing more offensive in my opinion than a woman who openly criticizes her husband in public. It is so degrading and ugly. Proverbs 31:12 says that the wife of noble character will do her husband good, not harm, all the days of her life. And in 1 Peter 4:8, the scripture says that we are to love each other deeply because love covers over a multitude of sins. Our husbands, like us have flaws and sins that can be difficult to deal with but the public shaming of our spouses is not a way to deal with difficulty. It is easy to take for granted the ones we love the most and I believe we can fall into the trap of disrespect if we are not careful to guard our mouth.
Our speech has the ability to tear down or build up. The way we speak to our children can either bring safety and peace to their lives or fear and uncertainty. Parenting can be a very frustrating thing and it is easy to loose our temper. I can't tell you how many times I had to repent over my careless words to my children. A quick temper and harsh words can last a very long time. They are not easily forgotten.
Take time to stay silent when you are frustrated long enough to pray and carefully consider what should be said in any given situation. If this is an area that is difficult for you, ask a friend to be a help to you. She can pray for you and be available to advise and encourage you in times of weakness.
Another area where our speech can help or hurt is in how we talk about the Church. God calls the Church His bride and I am sure He does not like to hear people talking negatively about His beloved. As with anything else, the church is filled with imperfect people who mess up and sin. If difficult conversations need to happen I encourage you to be careful how you speak of the church and its leaders. Truth must be accompanied by love. Respect and honor should be given to all people. How we speak about the body of Christ shows our love and honor for God's people. Consider how your conversations about the Church are influencing your children. God is not pleased when we badmouth anyone, especially His children.
Lastly, as representatives of Christ, be careful how you talk to others. Our speech can either
give good gifts or destructive gifts. Our speech can teach our children to develop a heart of compassion toward others or a critical spirit. We can model for our children how to see the soul of a person as God does or our action can model a deceitful spirit. We can speak as one who is filled with grace or we can elevate self by putting others down. We can encourage others to be the best they can be for the Lord or we can teach our children to have a thirst for drama and gossip. And when we fall short in our speech we can either justify our poor behavior or we can demonstrate for our children how to repent and ask for forgiveness. We can show them that you can heal injuries caused by the tongue. It is all a choice to control our tongue.
Pray daily Psalm 141:3 and the Lord who loves us will honor our prayers. The Holy Spirit will develop in us kindness and patience and gentleness and self control.