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Lesson 1
Loving Myself

How do you treat yourself?

How do you talk to yourself?

Do you ever struggle with negative self talk?

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The National Foundation of Science has stated that a person has an average of 20,000 to 60,000 thoughts a day.  Out of those thoughts 80% of them are negative.  95% of them are repeated thoughts from the day before.  That is 80% negative thoughts day after day.

 

Another disturbing statistic I found in one study said that only 16% of girls in the fifth grade feel good about their appearance.  And that number falls to 9% when surveying high school freshman.

 

Negative self talk is real and if I play back the recordings of my personal thoughts I have to admit that I am not very kind to myself.  I probably would never talk to another person in the way that I talk to myself.

 

Unfortunately in our culture there is an unhealthy emphasis on appearance.  It scares me how young children are when they begin to talk negatively about their appearance.  TV and social media contribute so much to this obsession.

 

It is important to remember that when we engage in negative self talk someone is listening and that someone in me.  As we degrade ourselves we are speaking into our hearts.  We begin to listen and our behavior then reflects how we think about ourselves.

 

Not only that, but our children are listening.  I am sad when I think of how my negative talk has influenced my kids and perhaps made them question their worth.  I have been reminded several times by my daughters that my disappointment with myself and my appearance really sets my children up for their own negative thoughts. 

 

And God is listening.  I shudder to think of how the creator of the universe feels when He hears me trashing His beloved creation; Me.

This problem is great.  It hinders our ability to love others.  Jesus taught us what the greatest commandment was. 

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 “Love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your strength, and with all your mind.  And love your neighbor as you love yourself.”

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In Ephesians 5, Paul commands husbands to love their wives as their own bodies.  He said,

”Indeed, no-one ever hated his own body, but he nourishes and cherishes it…”

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Galatians puts it this way,

 “For the entire law is fulfilled in keeping this one commandment:”Love your neighbor as yourself.”

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Everything we know about God’s word is summed up in the single sentence; Love others as you love yourself.  The law of love.

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How can we hope to love our neighbor the way God wants us to if we can not love ourselves?

 

First, what are the things that make us dislike ourselves?

 

When we do not love ourselves we are rejecting the one who created us.  We are saying that who God created is not good.

 

Second, how can we love ourselves?

And why should we love ourselves?

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Because God does!

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Psalm 139:13-16 “For You formed my inward parts. You wove me in my mother’s womb.  I will give thanks to you for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; wonderful are Your works and my soul knows it very well.  My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in secret and skillfully wrought in the depth of the earth.  Your eyes have seen my unformed substance and in Your book were all written the days that were ordained for me when as yet there was not one of them.”

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We must learn to see ourselves as God does.

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Ephesians 2:10 “We are God’s workmanship (poem, masterpiece) created in Christ Jesus for good works which God prepared beforehand so that we would walk in them.”

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We are fully loved by God.

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Psalm 103:11 “For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is His loving kindness toward those who fear Him.”

 

1John 3:1 “See how great a love the Father has bestowed on us that we would be called children of God and such we are…Beloved, now we are children of God.”

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If appearance is a struggle..... focus on true beauty.

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1 Peter3:3 “Don’t be concerned about the outward beauty of fancy hairstyles, expensive jewelry, or beautiful clothes.  You should clothe yourself instead with the beauty that comes from within, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is so precious to God.”

 

Proverbs 31:30 “Charm is deceptive and beauty fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.”

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Ways to change negative talk.

 

1.) Acknowledge that your negative self talk is dishonoring to God and destructive to yourself 

     and those around you.

2.) Meditate on the scriptures that remind you of God’s love for you.  See yourself in the light of

     how God views you; Fearfully and wonderfully made and beloved.

3.) Combat every negative thought with 5 positive ones.  Change the narrative. 

4.) Pray earnestly for God to transform your thoughts to align with His and to create within you    

     A grateful spirit for the unique, lovely creation that is you.

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STUDY QUESTIONS

 

1.) What are the negative thoughts that are most prominent in your mind?

 

2.) How can you formulate positive thoughts to fight agains those from number 1?

 

3.) What strategies can you develop to stop the degrading thoughts you have about yourself? 

WOMEN’S ROLES

LESSON 2

GAINING UNDERSTANDING

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As a young christian I once attended a ladies rally. I was so impressed with the speaker that day and although I can not remember her name or where she was from, I clung to a phrase she used and it has been a blessing in my life for many years. She spoke of dealing with difficult people in her life and how God had worked through those situations. Her words weren’t earth shattering and you may say it was not that profound but it pierced me to the heart. She said, “When dealing with people we must always seek to gain understanding.” There are reasons why people act the way they do. Instead of labeling someone and judging quickly, seek to understand their lives, their hearts and your feelings often soften and change.

I have thought about that so often as the years go by and it has helped me in my relationships as I seek to know someone and love someone. In my youth it was easy to quickly make a determination about someone and not put any effort into understanding them.

As wives and mothers God has given us a unique role of helper, as we examined in the last lesson. He has also equipped women with certain qualities to cause them to excel in this role.

GENERAL DIFFERENCES BETWEEN MEN AND WOMEN

Men are very compartmentalized. They tend to think of one thing at a time. God has designed men to be protectors, providers, and they are task oriented. Women, on the other hand can think of multiple things at the same time and are better at multi tasking. Women are designed to be nurturers and can feel deeply for others. God asks us to have our primary focus on managing the home while men’s primary role is leadership and provision.

Women tend to be better communicators when it comes to the emotions. While men can set tasks and accomplish them, it often doesn’t take into account the feelings surrounding the action.

Of course there are exceptions but as a general rule these things are true.

Because women are gifted with these tender qualities I believe that we can set the tone in our homes and be that safe place for our family. If we take the time to “gain understanding” with our husbands, and our children we can foster healthy relationships within the home.

The opposite is also true. When we lack understanding of each other there is no peace.

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We adopted our foster son after he had been with us for 4 years. He was 8 years old. He had been taken out of his home at 4 years old due to his mother’s lack of ability to care for him well. At the time the state did not impress upon us the importance of therapy, and the challenges of attachment under these circumstances. As I look back we were not prepared for the difficulties that were inevitably coming. We did not have understanding, nor were we encouraged to gain understanding.

At 18 he left home and I was devastated. He no longer called me mom and all I felt was hurt. I had given so much and this was the way he thanked me? Lack of understanding lead to no peace, and anger, and broken relationships.
We sought help from a counselor and she was able to shed light on our situation. She explained what was going on in our son’s mind and heart and I was able to understand. I could love deeper and patiently wait until he grew through his emotions.

I wish I had known. I wish I had been prepared. I wish I had gained understanding sooner. God has healed and restored our relationship and I will always be mom now. I praise Him for being the God of restoration. But the lack of understanding caused pain for years.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

We are called to be helpers. We spoke about how we are to help as God helps. I also think that God can be our example also as we seek to understand.

Our God knows us intimately!

Psalm 139: 1-4 “O Lord, you have searched me and known me! You know when I sit down and when I rise up; You discern my thoughts from afar...even before a word is on my tongue, behold, O Lord, you know it altogether.”

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Nahum 1:7. “The Lord is good, a stronghold in the day of trouble, He knows those who take refuge in Him.”

He knows our daily routines. He understands our thoughts. He is aware of our needs. We are fully known and loved by our Heavenly Father.

We can seek understanding in the same way.

Prov. 3:13. “Blessed is the one who finds wisdom, and the one who gets understanding.”

Prov 16:16 “How much better to get wisdom than gold! To get understanding is to be chosen rather than silver.”

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Matt. 5:9 “Blessed are the peacemakers for they should be called the children of God”

Hebrews 12:14 “Pursue peace with everyone, as well as holiness, without which no one will see the Lord.”

Rom. 14:19. “So then, let us pursue what leads to peace and to mutual edification.”

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HAVING YOUR FINGER ON THE PULSE OF YOUR FAMILY

 

1.) Take the time to communicate with family members individually about their thoughts, desires, and struggles. Be quick to listen and slow to speak. Show compassion and interest as they share. (This is more important than any household chore that needs to be done.)

 

2.) Find opportunities to grow as a couple. Attend events that focus on marriage. Read books together. Watch helpful podcasts.

 

3.) As you face behaviors that upset you seek to find out what is going on underneath. Don’t react right away before you pray and ponder what might be causing such behavior.

 

4.) Educate yourself with material that can enlighten you to the psychology of behavior. Our past experiences make us what we are. As we understand what may have contributed to our behavior it helps us find ways to change.

 

5.) Don’t be ashamed to admit we struggle. But don’t be closed to the fact that God can heal.

 

6.) Realize that it is a great calling to be the one who helps people understand. It is also a great burden. It takes sacrifice to put others first instead of just blaming and being angry. Selfishness will want to creep in and must be fought!

 

7.) It is exhausting sometimes. Have a trusted person in your life who can partner with you in prayer over your relationships.

 

8.) Remember that it is all worth it. It is worth every tear, every hard conversation, every feeling of rejection, every sleepless night to be the one who relentlessly seeks understanding, peace and love. There will be eternal blessings!

 

Galatians 6 : 7-10 “Do not be deceived; God is not to be mocked. Whatever a man sows, he will reap in return. The one who sows to please his flesh, from the flesh will reap destruction; but the one who sows to please the Spirit, from Spirit will reap eternal life. Let us not grow weary in well-doing, for in due time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to everyone, and especially to the family of faith.”

 

Some suggestions for resources

How We Love.                                                                                                Milan and Kay Yerkovich
Laugh your way to a better Marriage The Grace Marriage                        Mark Gungor

The Grace Marriage                                                                                       Brad and Marilyn Rhoads

You and Me Forever                                                                                       Francis and Lisa Chan                                                         

 5 Love Languages                                                                                        Gary Chapman


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