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Titus 2 Series

Lesson 4 How We Work

So I stayed home for 38 years and raised my family, homeschooled, and helped my husband run a cleaning business.  Technically I was “unemployed”.  I used to get so frustrated when asked at let’s say a doctor’s appointment the question, “Do you work?”  Most of the time and if I was feeling particularly spunky I would reply, “Yes, I work very hard ……at home.”  The nurse gathering the information would do a double take and then agree that I did indeed work.  In many ways I feel the question is flawed.   The question is an indication of a culture that separates working at home from working outside the home.  Prior to World War II and the industrial revolution this distinction was never a thing. Prior to this modern age, work was always done at home by both men and women.  

Our modern culture makes it hard to read Titus 2:5 without a skewed view of the words, “workers at home”.  The older women are to train the younger to love their husbands and children, to be self controlled, pure, workers at home…

Often christian women will get into a lively debate over whether God wants us to be a stay-at-home mom or if it is ok to work out side the home.  I believe the answer to that question is “yes”. And I think we miss the point entirely.

 

Read the following scripture that can give us a better understanding of what Paul is saying when he says workers at home

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1 Timothy 5: 9-16

“A widow who is put on the list for support should be a woman who is at least 60 years old and was faithful to her husband.  She must be well respected by everyone because of the good she has done.  Has she brought up her children well?  Has she been kind to strangers and served other believers humbly?  Has she helped those who are in trouble?  Has she always been ready to do good?

The younger widows should not be on the list, because their physical desires will overpower their devotion to Christ and they will want to remarry.  Then they will be guilty of breaking their previous pledge.  And if they are on the list, they will learn to be lazy and will spend their time gossiping from house to house, meddling in other people’s business and talking about things they shouldn’t.  So I advise these younger widows to marry again, have children, and take care of their own homes.  Then the enemy will not be able to say anything against them.  For I am afraid that some of them have already gone astray and now follow Satan.

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First of all this passage gives us a good definition of what “work” God honors.  Being faithful to one’s husband, the raising of children in the Lord, showing kindness to strangers, serving other believers, helping those in trouble and being ready always to do good are listed here.  The desire is to care for one’s own home.  This work gives a woman a good reputation. This woman is then respected by all who know her.

 

The passage also defines the opposite of working at home.  And it is not working outside the home.  The opposite is being idle and lazy.  And even more devious is the act of meddling and gossiping.  The opposite of working at home is meddling into other people’s business where we don’t belong.  We all know the women who thrive on drama and seem to like sowing discord between people.  I had a preacher’s wife once tell me that:

“If you are busy rowing the boat you don’t have time to rock the boat” 

1 Thessalonians 4: 11-12

“Make it your goal to live a quiet life, minding your own business and working with your hands, just as we instructed you before.  Then people who are not believers will respect the way you live, and you will not need to depend on others.”

 

This encouragement comes after Paul urges his followers to live in a  way that pleases the Lord, in all holiness and self control.

 

God’s instructions to work at home is not a restriction as the feminist movement has labeled it.  It is the very way we can witness to the lost world as we love our families and work for their good.

 

Colossians 3:23-24

“Work willingly at whatever you do, as though you were doing it for the Lord rather than people. Remember that the Lord will give you an inheritance as your reward, and that the Master you are serving is Christ.”

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I love the story of Joseph.  He was hated by his brothers and sold into slavery.  His life continually had bad circumstances. Yet, Joseph never lost his trust in the Lord and as a result he prospered in whatever he did.  I believe he did all things as if he was working for the Lord even when those things were very difficult.

Eventually, God positioned him as the head of Potiphar’s household.  Potiphar was the captain of Pharaoh’s guard.  Potiphar trusted Joseph to run his household and so Joseph did with excellence and integrity.  Nothing in that household belonged to Joseph but he was instructed to care for the household as if he owned it all.

I often thought that my role as the “keeper of my home” was like that of Joseph’s role in Egypt.

God has entrusted me with my husband, my children, and my material blessings of a household.  It is my honor to cherish these things and care for them tenderly for the good of my family but also as an example to the world of what love is all about.

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The work of the Proverbs 31 woman

  1. She brings her husband good all the days of her life

  2. She works hard to provide for her family

  3. She is energetic and strong and a hard worker

  4. Her hands are busy

  5. She extends her hands to the needy

  6. She is wise and speaks carefully

  7. She is careful to watch everything in her household and is not lazy

  8. Her husband trusts her and her children bless her

  9. She fears the Lord above all

This work that Paul is encouraging the older women to teach about is an eternal work.  The mundane, sometimes thankless work in the moment has rich, far reaching consequences.  Believe me, from my perspective now as an empty nester, there is no greater work in the world.

The work of a homebuilder is of first importance. Remember our theme verse:

Proverbs 14:1

“A wise woman builds her house but with her own hands the foolish one tears hers down.”

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STUDY QUESTIONS

 

  1. How do you view the command to be workers at home?

  2. Have you seen it as a restriction or a privilege?

  3. How have you mentally processed the importance of being the keeper of your home?

  4. What are some things you do to remind yourself of the  importance of this role?

  5. How do you see your role in the home as a witness to unbelievers?

WOMEN’S ROLES

LESSON 2

GAINING UNDERSTANDING

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As a young christian I once attended a ladies rally. I was so impressed with the speaker that day and although I can not remember her name or where she was from, I clung to a phrase she used and it has been a blessing in my life for many years. She spoke of dealing with difficult people in her life and how God had worked through those situations. Her words weren’t earth shattering and you may say it was not that profound but it pierced me to the heart. She said, “When dealing with people we must always seek to gain understanding.” There are reasons why people act the way they do. Instead of labeling someone and judging quickly, seek to understand their lives, their hearts and your feelings often soften and change.

I have thought about that so often as the years go by and it has helped me in my relationships as I seek to know someone and love someone. In my youth it was easy to quickly make a determination about someone and not put any effort into understanding them.

As wives and mothers God has given us a unique role of helper, as we examined in the last lesson. He has also equipped women with certain qualities to cause them to excel in this role.

GENERAL DIFFERENCES BETWEEN MEN AND WOMEN

Men are very compartmentalized. They tend to think of one thing at a time. God has designed men to be protectors, providers, and they are task oriented. Women, on the other hand can think of multiple things at the same time and are better at multi tasking. Women are designed to be nurturers and can feel deeply for others. God asks us to have our primary focus on managing the home while men’s primary role is leadership and provision.

Women tend to be better communicators when it comes to the emotions. While men can set tasks and accomplish them, it often doesn’t take into account the feelings surrounding the action.

Of course there are exceptions but as a general rule these things are true.

Because women are gifted with these tender qualities I believe that we can set the tone in our homes and be that safe place for our family. If we take the time to “gain understanding” with our husbands, and our children we can foster healthy relationships within the home.

The opposite is also true. When we lack understanding of each other there is no peace.

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We adopted our foster son after he had been with us for 4 years. He was 8 years old. He had been taken out of his home at 4 years old due to his mother’s lack of ability to care for him well. At the time the state did not impress upon us the importance of therapy, and the challenges of attachment under these circumstances. As I look back we were not prepared for the difficulties that were inevitably coming. We did not have understanding, nor were we encouraged to gain understanding.

At 18 he left home and I was devastated. He no longer called me mom and all I felt was hurt. I had given so much and this was the way he thanked me? Lack of understanding lead to no peace, and anger, and broken relationships.
We sought help from a counselor and she was able to shed light on our situation. She explained what was going on in our son’s mind and heart and I was able to understand. I could love deeper and patiently wait until he grew through his emotions.

I wish I had known. I wish I had been prepared. I wish I had gained understanding sooner. God has healed and restored our relationship and I will always be mom now. I praise Him for being the God of restoration. But the lack of understanding caused pain for years.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

We are called to be helpers. We spoke about how we are to help as God helps. I also think that God can be our example also as we seek to understand.

Our God knows us intimately!

Psalm 139: 1-4 “O Lord, you have searched me and known me! You know when I sit down and when I rise up; You discern my thoughts from afar...even before a word is on my tongue, behold, O Lord, you know it altogether.”

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Nahum 1:7. “The Lord is good, a stronghold in the day of trouble, He knows those who take refuge in Him.”

He knows our daily routines. He understands our thoughts. He is aware of our needs. We are fully known and loved by our Heavenly Father.

We can seek understanding in the same way.

Prov. 3:13. “Blessed is the one who finds wisdom, and the one who gets understanding.”

Prov 16:16 “How much better to get wisdom than gold! To get understanding is to be chosen rather than silver.”

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Matt. 5:9 “Blessed are the peacemakers for they should be called the children of God”

Hebrews 12:14 “Pursue peace with everyone, as well as holiness, without which no one will see the Lord.”

Rom. 14:19. “So then, let us pursue what leads to peace and to mutual edification.”

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HAVING YOUR FINGER ON THE PULSE OF YOUR FAMILY

 

1.) Take the time to communicate with family members individually about their thoughts, desires, and struggles. Be quick to listen and slow to speak. Show compassion and interest as they share. (This is more important than any household chore that needs to be done.)

 

2.) Find opportunities to grow as a couple. Attend events that focus on marriage. Read books together. Watch helpful podcasts.

 

3.) As you face behaviors that upset you seek to find out what is going on underneath. Don’t react right away before you pray and ponder what might be causing such behavior.

 

4.) Educate yourself with material that can enlighten you to the psychology of behavior. Our past experiences make us what we are. As we understand what may have contributed to our behavior it helps us find ways to change.

 

5.) Don’t be ashamed to admit we struggle. But don’t be closed to the fact that God can heal.

 

6.) Realize that it is a great calling to be the one who helps people understand. It is also a great burden. It takes sacrifice to put others first instead of just blaming and being angry. Selfishness will want to creep in and must be fought!

 

7.) It is exhausting sometimes. Have a trusted person in your life who can partner with you in prayer over your relationships.

 

8.) Remember that it is all worth it. It is worth every tear, every hard conversation, every feeling of rejection, every sleepless night to be the one who relentlessly seeks understanding, peace and love. There will be eternal blessings!

 

Galatians 6 : 7-10 “Do not be deceived; God is not to be mocked. Whatever a man sows, he will reap in return. The one who sows to please his flesh, from the flesh will reap destruction; but the one who sows to please the Spirit, from Spirit will reap eternal life. Let us not grow weary in well-doing, for in due time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to everyone, and especially to the family of faith.”

 

Some suggestions for resources

How We Love.                                                                                                Milan and Kay Yerkovich
Laugh your way to a better Marriage The Grace Marriage                        Mark Gungor

The Grace Marriage                                                                                       Brad and Marilyn Rhoads

You and Me Forever                                                                                       Francis and Lisa Chan                                                         

 5 Love Languages                                                                                        Gary Chapman


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