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CARING FOR MYSELF

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      In this age of instant information we can find numerous books, podcasts, and movements that promise to make you a better you.  Self help information is everywhere.  Improve your health, your looks, your body,  your sleep, your attitude, your effectiveness, your money earning abilities, your sanity, your confidence, and the topics are unending! Also there are many many products on the market that promise to improve you as well.  Smooth the skin, loose the fat, give you energy, clear the mind, etc.  I shudder to think of all the money I have spent on such products over the years.

     You can get lost in the endless suggestions on how to care for yourself.  The interesting thing about this is that the information can be so contradictory.  You can get confused while wading through all the "how tos" that are out there.  I can tell you of all the things I have tried.  There was the vegetarian stage, the vegan stage, the juicing stage, the bread making stage, the keto stage, the intermittent fasting stage and it is enough to make your head spin.

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     The truth is that we do need to care for ourselves.  As moms we can get lost in the giving that sometimes we neglect taking care of ourselves.  And let's face it, with little ones at home, who can find the time to even go to the bathroom?But finding a way to nourish your own life is crucial to being a happy, confident, effective mom.

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Mark 12:30 "You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind, and with all your strength"

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     In Mark 12:30 we are given instructions to love the Lord with four areas of our lives.  Our heart, our soul, our mind, and our strength.  I want to suggest that these are four important areas to care for.  Perhaps this can be a focus of self care.

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1.) It is important to care for your heart.

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Prov. 4:23 "Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it"

Psalm 119: 10-11 "With all my heart I have sought You; do not let me wander from Your commandments.  Your word I have treasured in my heart that I may not sin against You."

Matt. 5:8 "Blessed are the pure in heart for they shall see God."

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                 CLEANSE            CONSISTANCY     COMMITMENT

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     First, we need to evaluate what we love.  Where are our affections?  Asking ourselves if there is anything in our hearts that is destructive can help us clean our hearts.  David prayed that the Lord would create in him a clean heart after he had sinned against God.

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Secondly, evaluate if our actions are consistently in line with what we say we love. We can say all sorts of things but our actions speak louder than our words.  I always say that we do what we want to do.

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Thirdly, are we making a commitment to treasuring God's word in our hearts?

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                                           In what ways have you been purposeful in caring for your heart?

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2.)  It is important to care for your soul.

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Psalm 19:7  "The law of the Lord is perfect, refreshing the soul,"

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Psalm 130:5  "I wait for the Lord, my soul does wait, and in His word do I hope."

 

Psalm 103:1 "Bless the Lord O my soul, and all that is within me bless his holy name."

 

     The soul refers to the inner most being.  It is the real you.  Your desires, your passions, your emotions, and your appetites.  By human nature we are selfish and often want to satisfy the desires of our inner self.  First Peter talks about our faith in Christ and that the result of our faith in Him is the salvation of our souls.  He also talks about purifying our souls by our obedience to the truth.  It is a constant battle within our souls between righteousness and our sin nature.

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     Paul speaks of this battle in Romans 7.  The things that I want to so I don't and the things I don't want to do I do.  And he asks who can save me from the body of death?  Paul concludes by saying, "thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord!"  He is the only one who can!

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                     CLEANSE         CONSISTENCY       COMMITMENT

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                                                             In what ways do you care for your soul?

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3.)  It is important to care for your mind

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Romans 12:2. "Do not be conformed to this world but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may prove what the will of God is that which is good and acceptable and perfect."

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Col. 3:2  "Set your mind on things above, not on things of this earth."

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Phil. 4:8. "Finally whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything is worthy of praise, think on these things."

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1 Peter 1:13  "Therefore, prepare your minds for action, keep sober in spirit, fix your hope completely on the grace to be brought to you at the revelation of Jesus Christ."

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     Your mind is your thought and reasoning and your disposition.  Critical thinking is critical to loving God and others but it can also be an instrument of self destruction when operating without God's light and power.

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                     CLEANSE       CONSISTENCY       COMMITMENT

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                                 How are you caring for your mind?

 

 

4.)  It is important to care for your strength

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Eph. 6:10  "Finally, be strong in the Lord and in the power of His might."

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Heb. 12:12-13. "Therefore strengthen the hands that are weak and the knees that are feeble, and make straight paths for your feet, so that the limb which is lame may not be put out of joint but rather be healed."

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     Being a Christian is not for the faint hearted.  To truly commit to being a follower of Christ takes strength.  His ways are so opposite of the world's ways and the battle for our hearts and minds is fierce.  The Lord promises that His strength will be with us and in our weakness He makes us strong.  It takes effort to live in obedience to Christ.  Certainly the rewards are many but the sacrifices are many also.  Strength comes from the Holy Spirit within us but also from each other.

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                   CLEANSE           CONSISTENCY             COMMITMENT

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                                                         In what ways are you caring for your strength?

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     In all these areas we need to consider the spiritual aspects but also the physical aspects of caring for ourselves.  In what ways do you care for your physical self?  Neglecting your physical health can be so harmful to us as moms.  We need to be in the best shape possible to have the energy to care for our families. 

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WOMEN’S ROLES

LESSON 2

GAINING UNDERSTANDING

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As a young christian I once attended a ladies rally. I was so impressed with the speaker that day and although I can not remember her name or where she was from, I clung to a phrase she used and it has been a blessing in my life for many years. She spoke of dealing with difficult people in her life and how God had worked through those situations. Her words weren’t earth shattering and you may say it was not that profound but it pierced me to the heart. She said, “When dealing with people we must always seek to gain understanding.” There are reasons why people act the way they do. Instead of labeling someone and judging quickly, seek to understand their lives, their hearts and your feelings often soften and change.

I have thought about that so often as the years go by and it has helped me in my relationships as I seek to know someone and love someone. In my youth it was easy to quickly make a determination about someone and not put any effort into understanding them.

As wives and mothers God has given us a unique role of helper, as we examined in the last lesson. He has also equipped women with certain qualities to cause them to excel in this role.

GENERAL DIFFERENCES BETWEEN MEN AND WOMEN

Men are very compartmentalized. They tend to think of one thing at a time. God has designed men to be protectors, providers, and they are task oriented. Women, on the other hand can think of multiple things at the same time and are better at multi tasking. Women are designed to be nurturers and can feel deeply for others. God asks us to have our primary focus on managing the home while men’s primary role is leadership and provision.

Women tend to be better communicators when it comes to the emotions. While men can set tasks and accomplish them, it often doesn’t take into account the feelings surrounding the action.

Of course there are exceptions but as a general rule these things are true.

Because women are gifted with these tender qualities I believe that we can set the tone in our homes and be that safe place for our family. If we take the time to “gain understanding” with our husbands, and our children we can foster healthy relationships within the home.

The opposite is also true. When we lack understanding of each other there is no peace.

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We adopted our foster son after he had been with us for 4 years. He was 8 years old. He had been taken out of his home at 4 years old due to his mother’s lack of ability to care for him well. At the time the state did not impress upon us the importance of therapy, and the challenges of attachment under these circumstances. As I look back we were not prepared for the difficulties that were inevitably coming. We did not have understanding, nor were we encouraged to gain understanding.

At 18 he left home and I was devastated. He no longer called me mom and all I felt was hurt. I had given so much and this was the way he thanked me? Lack of understanding lead to no peace, and anger, and broken relationships.
We sought help from a counselor and she was able to shed light on our situation. She explained what was going on in our son’s mind and heart and I was able to understand. I could love deeper and patiently wait until he grew through his emotions.

I wish I had known. I wish I had been prepared. I wish I had gained understanding sooner. God has healed and restored our relationship and I will always be mom now. I praise Him for being the God of restoration. But the lack of understanding caused pain for years.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

We are called to be helpers. We spoke about how we are to help as God helps. I also think that God can be our example also as we seek to understand.

Our God knows us intimately!

Psalm 139: 1-4 “O Lord, you have searched me and known me! You know when I sit down and when I rise up; You discern my thoughts from afar...even before a word is on my tongue, behold, O Lord, you know it altogether.”

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Nahum 1:7. “The Lord is good, a stronghold in the day of trouble, He knows those who take refuge in Him.”

He knows our daily routines. He understands our thoughts. He is aware of our needs. We are fully known and loved by our Heavenly Father.

We can seek understanding in the same way.

Prov. 3:13. “Blessed is the one who finds wisdom, and the one who gets understanding.”

Prov 16:16 “How much better to get wisdom than gold! To get understanding is to be chosen rather than silver.”

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Matt. 5:9 “Blessed are the peacemakers for they should be called the children of God”

Hebrews 12:14 “Pursue peace with everyone, as well as holiness, without which no one will see the Lord.”

Rom. 14:19. “So then, let us pursue what leads to peace and to mutual edification.”

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HAVING YOUR FINGER ON THE PULSE OF YOUR FAMILY

 

1.) Take the time to communicate with family members individually about their thoughts, desires, and struggles. Be quick to listen and slow to speak. Show compassion and interest as they share. (This is more important than any household chore that needs to be done.)

 

2.) Find opportunities to grow as a couple. Attend events that focus on marriage. Read books together. Watch helpful podcasts.

 

3.) As you face behaviors that upset you seek to find out what is going on underneath. Don’t react right away before you pray and ponder what might be causing such behavior.

 

4.) Educate yourself with material that can enlighten you to the psychology of behavior. Our past experiences make us what we are. As we understand what may have contributed to our behavior it helps us find ways to change.

 

5.) Don’t be ashamed to admit we struggle. But don’t be closed to the fact that God can heal.

 

6.) Realize that it is a great calling to be the one who helps people understand. It is also a great burden. It takes sacrifice to put others first instead of just blaming and being angry. Selfishness will want to creep in and must be fought!

 

7.) It is exhausting sometimes. Have a trusted person in your life who can partner with you in prayer over your relationships.

 

8.) Remember that it is all worth it. It is worth every tear, every hard conversation, every feeling of rejection, every sleepless night to be the one who relentlessly seeks understanding, peace and love. There will be eternal blessings!

 

Galatians 6 : 7-10 “Do not be deceived; God is not to be mocked. Whatever a man sows, he will reap in return. The one who sows to please his flesh, from the flesh will reap destruction; but the one who sows to please the Spirit, from Spirit will reap eternal life. Let us not grow weary in well-doing, for in due time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to everyone, and especially to the family of faith.”

 

Some suggestions for resources

How We Love.                                                                                                Milan and Kay Yerkovich
Laugh your way to a better Marriage The Grace Marriage                        Mark Gungor

The Grace Marriage                                                                                       Brad and Marilyn Rhoads

You and Me Forever                                                                                       Francis and Lisa Chan                                                         

 5 Love Languages                                                                                        Gary Chapman


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