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Loving Our Children

Lesson 4

When we chose to homeschool I remember hearing the argument from some that a child must not be sheltered.  That is the way they would learn and "keeping them in a bubble" would be dangerous.  I was told that our children were to be missionaries in the public school setting.  I wrestled for a long time with this, worrying that I would raise weak children who could not stand up under hardships in life.  I thought even the young saplings are protected from the cold until they are strong enough to withstand the harsh wind and sun. 

It wasn't until I learned how inspectors are trained to recognize counterfeit money that  I formed my strong stance on this subject.

A person being trained to recognize counterfeit bills never studies the counterfeit.  They only study the real thing.  Because when you are confident on the true and real item, you can recognize the fake every time!

I became convinced that if I train my children in what is true, they would never have trouble recognizing what is false.

In Titus 2:5 the Bible instructs women to encourage the younger women to be workers at home.  Some translations say keepers at home.  The Greek word used here means more than just a domestic worker,  This word gives the thought of one who manages and guards the home.  The woman's role is stewardship of the affairs of the home.  We  are charged with being the ones who guard and protect.

Protect from what?  You may ask.  In Proverbs 31 we can read about attributes of a wife of noble character.

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She is more precious than rubies.

Her husband can trust her, and she will greatly enrich his life.

She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life.

She is industrious and is not lazy.

She contributes to the prosperity of the family.

She makes sure everyone is safe and secure within her household and does not fear for the future.

She is dignified and talks with kindness and wisdom.

Her husband and children bless her.

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Proverbs also says, "She carefully watches everything in her household.

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This certainly refers to the physical aspects of the household but the ending verses in chapter 31 speak to the responsibility we have to guard the spiritual health of the family as well.

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"Charm is deceptive, and beauty does not last but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised."

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As moms we are the first ones who pour into our children.  We are the first ones to help our children form their world view.  We are the first people to teach our little ones.  So much of the foundation of character is formed in first few years of life.  Helping our children develop the character of Christ is a huge responsibility and I believe it is part of guarding the home.

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It is our job to protect our family form the lies of  the Devil.  It becomes a battle of the mind.  Just like a scanner checks everything and everyone boarding a plane, we must be like the TSA agents inspecting all that comes into our homes.  All the ideas, thoughts, and teachings that enter our families hearts and minds must be evaluated by us, the keepers of the home.

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2 Corinthians 10: 3-6

"For though we walk in the flesh, we are not waging war according to the flesh.  For the weapons of our warfare are not of the flesh but have divine power to destroy strongholds.  We destroy arguments and every lofty opinion raised against the knowledge of God, and take every thought captive to the obedience of Christ, being ready to punish every disobedience when your obedience is complete."

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HOW IS THIS DONE?

1) We must be willing to fight this battle in our own mind first.  Satan has filled this world with so many thoughts that are opposed 

     to the ways of the Lord.  We can be tossed every which way by philosophies, myths, and ideologies.

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Ephesians 4: 14-15

"then we will no longer be immature like children.  We won't be tossed and blown about by every wind of new teaching.  We will not be influenced when people try to trick us with lies so clever they sound like the truth.  Instead, we will speek the truth in love, growing in every way more and more like Christ, who is the head of His body, the church."

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The choice to make Jesus the Lord of your life causes us to draw a line in the sand.  Fully committing to the Lord compels us to follow His word alone.  We then immerse ourselves in the word of God, the truth and find our standard for living in His instructions.  As we study the true, we then can easily recognize what is false.

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2)  We must practice every day taking our thoughts captive.   As we are confronted with conflicts and ideas we have to line everything up against scripture to see if it is trustworthy or not.  If an idea contradicts the truth of scripture we must  eject it, no matter how good it may sound.  

This may be difficult  as a new christian.  The more you study the word of God, the easier it becomes.  When we make the choice to be baptized into Christ we receive the gift of the Holy Spirit.  He helps us discern what is of God and what is against the Word. Lean into the Spirit and trust Him to guide your thoughts.

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3)  As we train our children, guide them to do the same. As they face choices in life sit with them and talk about what the Bible says about the situation.  always point them to doing things according to the scriptures.  Take every opportunity to talk about God's desire for us to be:  OBEDIENT, KIND, FORGIVING, LOVING, PURE, JOYFUL, HONEST, SACRIFICIAL, PRAYERFUL, FAITHFUL, TRUSTWORTHY, REPENTANT, SELF-CONTROLED, PEACEFUL, PATIENT, GENTLE, GENEROUS, ETC

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4) Be aware of what is entering your home via television, social media, books, magazines, etc.  Have open conversations with all the family about what they are experiencing and what they are hearing from friends, teachers, and other family members.  Be vigilant in scrutinizing it all.  Ignorance is not bliss when it comes to the influences that can be harmful to the family.

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5)  Take time to develop a mission statement for your family.  Identify the values that you as a family will commit to.  Print it out and post it.  And when anyone deviates from the family values you can remind that person of the mission statement.  For example, if a child is struggling with lying, you can say,"Remember, we value honesty in our family so lying is not acceptable.  And God is not pleased with lying."

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6)  Develop consequences for opposing the Godly values you have adopted in the family.  Make sure the Word of God is taken seriously within your family, irregardless of what other families and friends may be doing.  It is important to have a no compromise policy within your family.  Trust me!  It may be hard now and children may push back on these expectations but they will be grateful for them later in life.  I have heard many times from parents of older children how their children come back and thank them for the strong, no compromising stance they took.

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"As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord!"  Joshua 24:15

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I was once struggling to obey  the will of God and fought Him for several years.  I would not recommend fighting with God, nevertheless I was.  I was miserable because I knew 

god was asking me to do something but I did not want to do it.  I was distraught and went to talk to a friend seeking advice.  She asked me, "Are you convinced that this is God's will for your life?"  I replied. "yes."  She then said one of the most terrifying things I have ever heard.  She lovingly said, "If you are convinced that this is God's will and you refuse to do it, then you are being the vehicle that is allowing Satan into your home."

PRAISE GOD FOR FAITHFUL FRIENDS!"

That was the last thing I ever wanted to be; a vehicle for Satan in my family!  I was not guarding my home and I was the potential danger.  I obeyed God and even though the obedience was difficult at times, God blessed me for it.

 

Don't ever underestimate the value of being the keeper of the home.  Take this seriously.  You can be the difference between peace and turmoil.  Guarding your children and seeing them thriving in the Lord is a true blessing to a mama's heart

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STUDY QUESTIONS

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1 Are your expectations for your children clear?

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2 What are the values you feel are mot important?

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3 Where can you be more consistant within your family?

WOMEN’S ROLES

LESSON 2

GAINING UNDERSTANDING

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As a young christian I once attended a ladies rally. I was so impressed with the speaker that day and although I can not remember her name or where she was from, I clung to a phrase she used and it has been a blessing in my life for many years. She spoke of dealing with difficult people in her life and how God had worked through those situations. Her words weren’t earth shattering and you may say it was not that profound but it pierced me to the heart. She said, “When dealing with people we must always seek to gain understanding.” There are reasons why people act the way they do. Instead of labeling someone and judging quickly, seek to understand their lives, their hearts and your feelings often soften and change.

I have thought about that so often as the years go by and it has helped me in my relationships as I seek to know someone and love someone. In my youth it was easy to quickly make a determination about someone and not put any effort into understanding them.

As wives and mothers God has given us a unique role of helper, as we examined in the last lesson. He has also equipped women with certain qualities to cause them to excel in this role.

GENERAL DIFFERENCES BETWEEN MEN AND WOMEN

Men are very compartmentalized. They tend to think of one thing at a time. God has designed men to be protectors, providers, and they are task oriented. Women, on the other hand can think of multiple things at the same time and are better at multi tasking. Women are designed to be nurturers and can feel deeply for others. God asks us to have our primary focus on managing the home while men’s primary role is leadership and provision.

Women tend to be better communicators when it comes to the emotions. While men can set tasks and accomplish them, it often doesn’t take into account the feelings surrounding the action.

Of course there are exceptions but as a general rule these things are true.

Because women are gifted with these tender qualities I believe that we can set the tone in our homes and be that safe place for our family. If we take the time to “gain understanding” with our husbands, and our children we can foster healthy relationships within the home.

The opposite is also true. When we lack understanding of each other there is no peace.

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We adopted our foster son after he had been with us for 4 years. He was 8 years old. He had been taken out of his home at 4 years old due to his mother’s lack of ability to care for him well. At the time the state did not impress upon us the importance of therapy, and the challenges of attachment under these circumstances. As I look back we were not prepared for the difficulties that were inevitably coming. We did not have understanding, nor were we encouraged to gain understanding.

At 18 he left home and I was devastated. He no longer called me mom and all I felt was hurt. I had given so much and this was the way he thanked me? Lack of understanding lead to no peace, and anger, and broken relationships.
We sought help from a counselor and she was able to shed light on our situation. She explained what was going on in our son’s mind and heart and I was able to understand. I could love deeper and patiently wait until he grew through his emotions.

I wish I had known. I wish I had been prepared. I wish I had gained understanding sooner. God has healed and restored our relationship and I will always be mom now. I praise Him for being the God of restoration. But the lack of understanding caused pain for years.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

We are called to be helpers. We spoke about how we are to help as God helps. I also think that God can be our example also as we seek to understand.

Our God knows us intimately!

Psalm 139: 1-4 “O Lord, you have searched me and known me! You know when I sit down and when I rise up; You discern my thoughts from afar...even before a word is on my tongue, behold, O Lord, you know it altogether.”

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Nahum 1:7. “The Lord is good, a stronghold in the day of trouble, He knows those who take refuge in Him.”

He knows our daily routines. He understands our thoughts. He is aware of our needs. We are fully known and loved by our Heavenly Father.

We can seek understanding in the same way.

Prov. 3:13. “Blessed is the one who finds wisdom, and the one who gets understanding.”

Prov 16:16 “How much better to get wisdom than gold! To get understanding is to be chosen rather than silver.”

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Matt. 5:9 “Blessed are the peacemakers for they should be called the children of God”

Hebrews 12:14 “Pursue peace with everyone, as well as holiness, without which no one will see the Lord.”

Rom. 14:19. “So then, let us pursue what leads to peace and to mutual edification.”

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HAVING YOUR FINGER ON THE PULSE OF YOUR FAMILY

 

1.) Take the time to communicate with family members individually about their thoughts, desires, and struggles. Be quick to listen and slow to speak. Show compassion and interest as they share. (This is more important than any household chore that needs to be done.)

 

2.) Find opportunities to grow as a couple. Attend events that focus on marriage. Read books together. Watch helpful podcasts.

 

3.) As you face behaviors that upset you seek to find out what is going on underneath. Don’t react right away before you pray and ponder what might be causing such behavior.

 

4.) Educate yourself with material that can enlighten you to the psychology of behavior. Our past experiences make us what we are. As we understand what may have contributed to our behavior it helps us find ways to change.

 

5.) Don’t be ashamed to admit we struggle. But don’t be closed to the fact that God can heal.

 

6.) Realize that it is a great calling to be the one who helps people understand. It is also a great burden. It takes sacrifice to put others first instead of just blaming and being angry. Selfishness will want to creep in and must be fought!

 

7.) It is exhausting sometimes. Have a trusted person in your life who can partner with you in prayer over your relationships.

 

8.) Remember that it is all worth it. It is worth every tear, every hard conversation, every feeling of rejection, every sleepless night to be the one who relentlessly seeks understanding, peace and love. There will be eternal blessings!

 

Galatians 6 : 7-10 “Do not be deceived; God is not to be mocked. Whatever a man sows, he will reap in return. The one who sows to please his flesh, from the flesh will reap destruction; but the one who sows to please the Spirit, from Spirit will reap eternal life. Let us not grow weary in well-doing, for in due time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to everyone, and especially to the family of faith.”

 

Some suggestions for resources

How We Love.                                                                                                Milan and Kay Yerkovich
Laugh your way to a better Marriage The Grace Marriage                        Mark Gungor

The Grace Marriage                                                                                       Brad and Marilyn Rhoads

You and Me Forever                                                                                       Francis and Lisa Chan                                                         

 5 Love Languages                                                                                        Gary Chapman


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