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Loving our Children
Lesson 3
Confidence

One of Satan's greatest tools is getting into our heads and creating doubt.  He knows that if he can shake our confidence, then he has a foothold into our life.  Do any of these phrases ever enter your mind?

I don't know if I am good enough.

I am such a looser.

I have nothing to offer.

If I try I will fail.

I worry too much to be effective.

I can't follow God consistently.

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I am sure from time to time we entertain thoughts similar to these.  I hate to break it to you but these statements ARE true.  True because they all focus on self.  Notice the emphasis. I don't. I am. I have. I will. I worry. I can't.  I, I, I.  The scriptures teach that no one is righteous, no one is wise (Apart from God.)

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Now, we all know people who are very capable and seem to have it all together.  There are people with many talents and abilities and it can be very intimidating to be around them.  I know there are people who excel apart from a relationship with Christ, however, my experience has been that to rise up and have confidence in our life as a parent takes relying on God to build us up through His spirit to be the woman God desires.  A confidence in self alone will eventually fail.  Our confidence has to be first in Christ, who is able to do immeasurably more than we can ever think or imagine.

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One man tells a story of a time he and his son were shopping.  The woman helping them was walking with a limp and he asked her if she was alright.  She explained about an injury and that she has hurt her ankle.  The man asked if he could pray for her and reluctantly she agreed.  After the prayer the man and his son left with their purchases. His son said to him as they were leaving, "Dad, we really do believe what we say we believe, don't we?"

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The question for today is, "Do we believe God?"  I didn't say Do we believe in God?  But do we really believe what we read in the Bible? Believing  brings confidence.  As we live like we really believe, we then experience the blessings of God and then our confidence grows and the cycle continues.  Renee Swope in her book, "A Confident Heart" says when we know the power of God's promises and live like they are true, then we become the women we want to be; a woman with a confident heart.

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"LIVE LIKE THE PROMISES OF GOD ARE TRUE"

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I must admit that I say I believe God but often doubt creeps in and then I don't live as if I trust all that God says.  I worry.  I fear. I can even despair.  Especially in the hard moments of life.  I focus on the mountain in front of me instead on the one who can move mountains.  Walking in complete faith is difficult.

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So, what are we to believe?

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We have gone over many times all the scriptures that say exactly who we are in Christ.  Refer to Lesson 1 in the Loving Myself series.  We are chosen, redeemed, loved, remembered, secure, able, called, thought of before we were created, etc.  And we have looked at the promises of God.

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The question we sometimes struggle with is, "Is God enough?"

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Renee Swope offers these questions

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Is God enough?

When a friend betrays me?

When I need to forgive the unforgivable?

When my child is having issues beyond my control?

When my marriage is in trouble?

When someone hates me?

When there is a serious illness in my family?

When others don't recognize my value?

When someone I love uses words that hurt me?

When I am having financial problems?

When my old self rears her ugly head?

When the world seems out of control?

When my health is declining?

When I am let down and disappointed?

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I seem to be very confident in our Savior when everything is going well but I too often question God when circumstances are not going as I would like.  I am realizing that in those difficult moments it is the best time to focus even more on the promises of God and a lifestyle that lives out a confidence in Him.

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When we question, it is time to renew our mind by taking our thoughts captive to the obedience of Christ.  When we wonder, "Where is God?" We can change our thoughts to, "I may not feel it but I know you are here."  And then look and we will see the many ways God is near to the broken hearted.

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After explaining how Christ's sacrifice was made once for all and how God has made a new covenant with His people, Hebrews 10 goes on to promise that He will remember our sins no longer.  Because of this truth we are told starting in verse 19 that we can boldly enter the Most Holy Place because of the blood of Christ.  It continues:

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Hebrews 10:23-25

"Let us hold tightly without wavering to the hope we affirm, for God can be trusted to keep His promise.  Let us think of ways to motivate one another to acts of love and good works.  And let us not neglect our meeting together, as some people do, but encourage one another especially now that the day of His return is drawing near."

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Hebrews 10: 32-39

"Think back on those early days when you first learned about Christ.  Remember how you remained faithful even though it meant terrible suffering.  Sometimes you were exposed to public ridicule and were beaten, and sometimes you helped others who were suffering the same things.  You suffered along with those who were thrown into jail, and when all you owned was taken from you, you accepted it with joy.  You knew there were better things waiting for you that will last forever.  So don't throw away this confident trust in the Lord.  Remember the great reward it brings you!  Patient endurance is what you need now, so that you will continue to do God's will.  Then you will receive all that He has promised."

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In our last lesson we talked about living counter culturally and living out our faith in front of our children.  That is the best way to teach a biblical world view.  And it is a major factor in why youth grow up to have their own strong Christian faith.

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The more we shackle our negative thoughts and do the mental work to replace them with god's promises, the more our confidence will grow.  The more God will show Himself strong in our life, and the more we will trust Him and the more we will live out that confidence.  The more we will believe.  The more we will trust.  Slowly, doubts and fears will be quelled.  But we need to be in HIs word constantly.

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​I used an object lesson with my Girls of Grace group to illustrate the concept of trusting in the Lord.  Even when it does not seem natural of even sensible.  I filled a gallon zip lock bag with water.  I held it up and asked the girls if they trusted me to pierce the bag with a sharp pencil through both sides of the bag without any of the water spilling out.  They were skeptical and as I held the bag over their heads and plunged the pencil into the bag they covered their heads fearing they would get wet.  After they saw that it worked and that they could trust me, I asked if they thought I could do it again.  More believed and wanted to see me do it a second time.  After that every girl wanted to do it for themself.  The bag was pierced many times and still no water spilled out.  Well, we know that science can explain why it was possible but I explained this is how it works with trusting God.  When you see that you can trust Him once, it is easy to trust Him a second time.  And as your life becomes a testament to the power of God and His kept promises, you inspire others to trust Him also.

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​So, as moms we can trust what God says as we parent.  We can be confident that making decisions based on God's word will yield a harvest in the lives of our children.  We can rely on scriptures like the following:

Proverbs 22:6,  Psalm 127: 3-5,  Ephesians 6: 1-4,  Deuteronomy 6: 5-9,  Hebrews 12: 7-11,  Colossians 3: 20-21, 

Isaiah 54:13,  Proverbs 1: 8-9.    And many more.

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Study Questions

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What disciplines do you have to help you live a life of confidence in the Lord?

When you doubt, what so you do to renew your mind?

WOMEN’S ROLES

LESSON 2

GAINING UNDERSTANDING

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As a young christian I once attended a ladies rally. I was so impressed with the speaker that day and although I can not remember her name or where she was from, I clung to a phrase she used and it has been a blessing in my life for many years. She spoke of dealing with difficult people in her life and how God had worked through those situations. Her words weren’t earth shattering and you may say it was not that profound but it pierced me to the heart. She said, “When dealing with people we must always seek to gain understanding.” There are reasons why people act the way they do. Instead of labeling someone and judging quickly, seek to understand their lives, their hearts and your feelings often soften and change.

I have thought about that so often as the years go by and it has helped me in my relationships as I seek to know someone and love someone. In my youth it was easy to quickly make a determination about someone and not put any effort into understanding them.

As wives and mothers God has given us a unique role of helper, as we examined in the last lesson. He has also equipped women with certain qualities to cause them to excel in this role.

GENERAL DIFFERENCES BETWEEN MEN AND WOMEN

Men are very compartmentalized. They tend to think of one thing at a time. God has designed men to be protectors, providers, and they are task oriented. Women, on the other hand can think of multiple things at the same time and are better at multi tasking. Women are designed to be nurturers and can feel deeply for others. God asks us to have our primary focus on managing the home while men’s primary role is leadership and provision.

Women tend to be better communicators when it comes to the emotions. While men can set tasks and accomplish them, it often doesn’t take into account the feelings surrounding the action.

Of course there are exceptions but as a general rule these things are true.

Because women are gifted with these tender qualities I believe that we can set the tone in our homes and be that safe place for our family. If we take the time to “gain understanding” with our husbands, and our children we can foster healthy relationships within the home.

The opposite is also true. When we lack understanding of each other there is no peace.

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We adopted our foster son after he had been with us for 4 years. He was 8 years old. He had been taken out of his home at 4 years old due to his mother’s lack of ability to care for him well. At the time the state did not impress upon us the importance of therapy, and the challenges of attachment under these circumstances. As I look back we were not prepared for the difficulties that were inevitably coming. We did not have understanding, nor were we encouraged to gain understanding.

At 18 he left home and I was devastated. He no longer called me mom and all I felt was hurt. I had given so much and this was the way he thanked me? Lack of understanding lead to no peace, and anger, and broken relationships.
We sought help from a counselor and she was able to shed light on our situation. She explained what was going on in our son’s mind and heart and I was able to understand. I could love deeper and patiently wait until he grew through his emotions.

I wish I had known. I wish I had been prepared. I wish I had gained understanding sooner. God has healed and restored our relationship and I will always be mom now. I praise Him for being the God of restoration. But the lack of understanding caused pain for years.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

We are called to be helpers. We spoke about how we are to help as God helps. I also think that God can be our example also as we seek to understand.

Our God knows us intimately!

Psalm 139: 1-4 “O Lord, you have searched me and known me! You know when I sit down and when I rise up; You discern my thoughts from afar...even before a word is on my tongue, behold, O Lord, you know it altogether.”

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Nahum 1:7. “The Lord is good, a stronghold in the day of trouble, He knows those who take refuge in Him.”

He knows our daily routines. He understands our thoughts. He is aware of our needs. We are fully known and loved by our Heavenly Father.

We can seek understanding in the same way.

Prov. 3:13. “Blessed is the one who finds wisdom, and the one who gets understanding.”

Prov 16:16 “How much better to get wisdom than gold! To get understanding is to be chosen rather than silver.”

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Matt. 5:9 “Blessed are the peacemakers for they should be called the children of God”

Hebrews 12:14 “Pursue peace with everyone, as well as holiness, without which no one will see the Lord.”

Rom. 14:19. “So then, let us pursue what leads to peace and to mutual edification.”

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HAVING YOUR FINGER ON THE PULSE OF YOUR FAMILY

 

1.) Take the time to communicate with family members individually about their thoughts, desires, and struggles. Be quick to listen and slow to speak. Show compassion and interest as they share. (This is more important than any household chore that needs to be done.)

 

2.) Find opportunities to grow as a couple. Attend events that focus on marriage. Read books together. Watch helpful podcasts.

 

3.) As you face behaviors that upset you seek to find out what is going on underneath. Don’t react right away before you pray and ponder what might be causing such behavior.

 

4.) Educate yourself with material that can enlighten you to the psychology of behavior. Our past experiences make us what we are. As we understand what may have contributed to our behavior it helps us find ways to change.

 

5.) Don’t be ashamed to admit we struggle. But don’t be closed to the fact that God can heal.

 

6.) Realize that it is a great calling to be the one who helps people understand. It is also a great burden. It takes sacrifice to put others first instead of just blaming and being angry. Selfishness will want to creep in and must be fought!

 

7.) It is exhausting sometimes. Have a trusted person in your life who can partner with you in prayer over your relationships.

 

8.) Remember that it is all worth it. It is worth every tear, every hard conversation, every feeling of rejection, every sleepless night to be the one who relentlessly seeks understanding, peace and love. There will be eternal blessings!

 

Galatians 6 : 7-10 “Do not be deceived; God is not to be mocked. Whatever a man sows, he will reap in return. The one who sows to please his flesh, from the flesh will reap destruction; but the one who sows to please the Spirit, from Spirit will reap eternal life. Let us not grow weary in well-doing, for in due time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to everyone, and especially to the family of faith.”

 

Some suggestions for resources

How We Love.                                                                                                Milan and Kay Yerkovich
Laugh your way to a better Marriage The Grace Marriage                        Mark Gungor

The Grace Marriage                                                                                       Brad and Marilyn Rhoads

You and Me Forever                                                                                       Francis and Lisa Chan                                                         

 5 Love Languages                                                                                        Gary Chapman


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