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Titus 2 series

Lesson 3 How We Think

Years ago my daughter was asked by a friend to go out for the evening.  She responded to that friend by saying that she wanted to check with the family first to see if she was needed for anything there before she accepted.  Her friend got a bit indignant and said it was ridiculous that she had to check with “mommy and daddy” first since she was old enough to make her own decisions.  

My daughter was annoyed by this.  It was hard for her to understand that someone would be so inconsiderate and just do whatever they wanted without checking first with the ones she had a responsibility to. 

This encounter represented two very different mindsets.  My daughter knew she was under our authority even though she was a teenager.  In her mind it mattered what her family may have needed or wanted before she decided to just go out.  Her friend on the other hand did not even give a thought to his family’s needs or desires or feelings.

In the example above we see two different ways of thinking.  Our scripture in Titus 2:3-5 states that older women are to teach the younger women to be self- controlled and pure.   In order to do this we need to be able to control the way we think.  Just as my daughter knew that she was under our authority as parents, we are under the authority of Jesus Christ if indeed we are christians.  The Bible calls us “Bond servants” of Christ.  Our allegiance is to God through Christ Jesus and therefore our first thoughts should be to please Him.

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Proverbs 4:3

“Watch over your heart with all diligence, for from it flow the springs of life.”

 

Another version says it this way:

 

“Be careful how you think; your life is shaped by your thoughts.”

 

 

Romans 12:2

“Do not be conformed to the pattern of this world, 

but be transformed by the renewing of your mind”

 

 

Romans 8:6

“The mind governed by flesh is death, but the mind governed by the Spirit is life and peace.”

 

The mind is where the battle is.

How do we win this battle?

 

2 Corinthians 10:3-06 (Message)

 

“The world is unprincipled.  It’s dog-eat-dog out there! The world doesn’t fight fair.  But we don’t live or fight our battles that way-never have and never will.  The tools of our trade aren’t for marketing or manipulation, but they are for demolishing that entire massively corrupt culture.  We use our powerful God-tools for smashing warped philosophies, tearing down barriers erected against the truth of God, fitting every loose thought and emotion and impulse into the structure of life shaped by Christ.  Our tools are ready at hand for clearing the ground of every obstruction and building lives of obedience into maturity.”

 

"We take every thought to make it obedient to christ"

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Ephesians 4:17-24 (Message)

“And so I insist-and God backs me up on this-that there be no going along with the crowd, the empty-headed, mindless crowd.  They’ve refused for so long to deal with God that they’ve lost touch not only with God but with reality itself.  They can’t think straight anymore.  Feeling no pain, they let themselves go in sexual obsession, addicted to every sort of perversion.

But that’s no life for you.  You learned Christ!  My assumption is that you have paid careful attention to Him, been well instructed in the truth precisely as we have it in Jesus.  Since, then, we do not have the excuse of ignorance, everything-and I do mean everything- connected with that old way of life has to go.  It’s rotten through and through.  Get rid of it!  And then take on an entirely new way of life-a God-fashioned life, a life renewed from the inside and working itself into your conduct as God accurately reproduces His character in you.”

 

The NASB says in verse 23 “Be renewed in the spirit of your mind”

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What are our tools?

Knowledge, God’s Word, Prayer, Body of Christ

 

  1. Know that the battle is a daily one.

       We must be vigilant.  The moment that we think we have it under control is the 

       moment Satan will attack.

 

2)   Diligently learn the word of God.

      To have a God-Fashioned life we have to know God’s will.

 

3)   Consult God in every decision.

       WWJD  It may be a cliche but constantly asking if what we are thinking or doing   

       would please God is a valuable mind practice. Pray in every situation for wisdom.

 

James 1:5

“If any of you lack wisdom, you should ask God who gives generously to all without finding fault and it will be given to you.”

 

4)   When unsure, consult a trusted Christian mentor.

       Wise, Godly counsel is priceless.  The body of Christ is there to encourage,

       and help us in our spiritual walk.

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STUDY QUESTIONS

 

  1. What have I found helpful in winning this battle of the mind?

  2. What areas are especially challenging for me?

  3. Am I willing to share struggles with others?

  4. Is it a constant thought of mine to please my Savior Jesus Christ?

  5. What may distract me from being mindful of this battle?

WOMEN’S ROLES

LESSON 2

GAINING UNDERSTANDING

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As a young christian I once attended a ladies rally. I was so impressed with the speaker that day and although I can not remember her name or where she was from, I clung to a phrase she used and it has been a blessing in my life for many years. She spoke of dealing with difficult people in her life and how God had worked through those situations. Her words weren’t earth shattering and you may say it was not that profound but it pierced me to the heart. She said, “When dealing with people we must always seek to gain understanding.” There are reasons why people act the way they do. Instead of labeling someone and judging quickly, seek to understand their lives, their hearts and your feelings often soften and change.

I have thought about that so often as the years go by and it has helped me in my relationships as I seek to know someone and love someone. In my youth it was easy to quickly make a determination about someone and not put any effort into understanding them.

As wives and mothers God has given us a unique role of helper, as we examined in the last lesson. He has also equipped women with certain qualities to cause them to excel in this role.

GENERAL DIFFERENCES BETWEEN MEN AND WOMEN

Men are very compartmentalized. They tend to think of one thing at a time. God has designed men to be protectors, providers, and they are task oriented. Women, on the other hand can think of multiple things at the same time and are better at multi tasking. Women are designed to be nurturers and can feel deeply for others. God asks us to have our primary focus on managing the home while men’s primary role is leadership and provision.

Women tend to be better communicators when it comes to the emotions. While men can set tasks and accomplish them, it often doesn’t take into account the feelings surrounding the action.

Of course there are exceptions but as a general rule these things are true.

Because women are gifted with these tender qualities I believe that we can set the tone in our homes and be that safe place for our family. If we take the time to “gain understanding” with our husbands, and our children we can foster healthy relationships within the home.

The opposite is also true. When we lack understanding of each other there is no peace.

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We adopted our foster son after he had been with us for 4 years. He was 8 years old. He had been taken out of his home at 4 years old due to his mother’s lack of ability to care for him well. At the time the state did not impress upon us the importance of therapy, and the challenges of attachment under these circumstances. As I look back we were not prepared for the difficulties that were inevitably coming. We did not have understanding, nor were we encouraged to gain understanding.

At 18 he left home and I was devastated. He no longer called me mom and all I felt was hurt. I had given so much and this was the way he thanked me? Lack of understanding lead to no peace, and anger, and broken relationships.
We sought help from a counselor and she was able to shed light on our situation. She explained what was going on in our son’s mind and heart and I was able to understand. I could love deeper and patiently wait until he grew through his emotions.

I wish I had known. I wish I had been prepared. I wish I had gained understanding sooner. God has healed and restored our relationship and I will always be mom now. I praise Him for being the God of restoration. But the lack of understanding caused pain for years.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

We are called to be helpers. We spoke about how we are to help as God helps. I also think that God can be our example also as we seek to understand.

Our God knows us intimately!

Psalm 139: 1-4 “O Lord, you have searched me and known me! You know when I sit down and when I rise up; You discern my thoughts from afar...even before a word is on my tongue, behold, O Lord, you know it altogether.”

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Nahum 1:7. “The Lord is good, a stronghold in the day of trouble, He knows those who take refuge in Him.”

He knows our daily routines. He understands our thoughts. He is aware of our needs. We are fully known and loved by our Heavenly Father.

We can seek understanding in the same way.

Prov. 3:13. “Blessed is the one who finds wisdom, and the one who gets understanding.”

Prov 16:16 “How much better to get wisdom than gold! To get understanding is to be chosen rather than silver.”

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Matt. 5:9 “Blessed are the peacemakers for they should be called the children of God”

Hebrews 12:14 “Pursue peace with everyone, as well as holiness, without which no one will see the Lord.”

Rom. 14:19. “So then, let us pursue what leads to peace and to mutual edification.”

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HAVING YOUR FINGER ON THE PULSE OF YOUR FAMILY

 

1.) Take the time to communicate with family members individually about their thoughts, desires, and struggles. Be quick to listen and slow to speak. Show compassion and interest as they share. (This is more important than any household chore that needs to be done.)

 

2.) Find opportunities to grow as a couple. Attend events that focus on marriage. Read books together. Watch helpful podcasts.

 

3.) As you face behaviors that upset you seek to find out what is going on underneath. Don’t react right away before you pray and ponder what might be causing such behavior.

 

4.) Educate yourself with material that can enlighten you to the psychology of behavior. Our past experiences make us what we are. As we understand what may have contributed to our behavior it helps us find ways to change.

 

5.) Don’t be ashamed to admit we struggle. But don’t be closed to the fact that God can heal.

 

6.) Realize that it is a great calling to be the one who helps people understand. It is also a great burden. It takes sacrifice to put others first instead of just blaming and being angry. Selfishness will want to creep in and must be fought!

 

7.) It is exhausting sometimes. Have a trusted person in your life who can partner with you in prayer over your relationships.

 

8.) Remember that it is all worth it. It is worth every tear, every hard conversation, every feeling of rejection, every sleepless night to be the one who relentlessly seeks understanding, peace and love. There will be eternal blessings!

 

Galatians 6 : 7-10 “Do not be deceived; God is not to be mocked. Whatever a man sows, he will reap in return. The one who sows to please his flesh, from the flesh will reap destruction; but the one who sows to please the Spirit, from Spirit will reap eternal life. Let us not grow weary in well-doing, for in due time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to everyone, and especially to the family of faith.”

 

Some suggestions for resources

How We Love.                                                                                                Milan and Kay Yerkovich
Laugh your way to a better Marriage The Grace Marriage                        Mark Gungor

The Grace Marriage                                                                                       Brad and Marilyn Rhoads

You and Me Forever                                                                                       Francis and Lisa Chan                                                         

 5 Love Languages                                                                                        Gary Chapman


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