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LESSON 2

BUILDING WITH BALANCE

 

BALLOON ACTIVITY

Blow up 8 balloons. Write the following words on the balloons, one per balloon.

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DAUGHTER    STUDENT    FRIEND    WIFE    MOTHER    EMPLOYEE    TEACHER    CARE GIVER

 

Ask a volunteer to stand up. Ask her to keep one balloon up in the air. One by one add

in other balloons until she is trying to manage 8 balloons keeping them up in the air.

This demonstrates that it is impossible to keep all the balloons in the air at one time

perfectly. The reality is that no one person can fill all their roles perfectly. As our roles

increase something will always suffer. We must prioritize.

 

1. PRIORITIZE GOD-Create a relationship between yourself and God that is

constantly reinforced by the way you use your time to remain in Him. Prayer time,

devotion time, and study time. With young children you need to be creative.

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Proverbs 16:1-3 “The plans of the heart belong to man but the answer of the

tongue is from the Lord. All the ways of man are clean in his own sight but

the Lord weighs the motives. Commit your ways to the Lord and your plans

will be established.”

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2. PRIORITIZE FAMILY-Don”t let outside factors squeeze out precious family time. Put

boundaries in place that show where your priorities are. This can be difficult when you

are in ministry.

 

Deuteronomy 6:1-9

"6 These are the commands, decrees and laws the Lord your God directed me

to teach you to observe in the land that you are crossing the Jordan to

possess, 2 so that you, your children and their children after them may

fear the Lord your God as long as you live by keeping all his decrees and

commands that I give you, and so that you may enjoy long life. 3 Hear, Israel,

and be careful to obey so that it may go well with you and that you may

increase greatly in a land flowing with milk and honey, just as the Lord, the

God of your ancestors, promised you.

4 Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one.[a] 5 Love the Lord your

God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your

strength. 6 These commandments that I give you today are to be on your

hearts. 7 Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at

home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you

get up. 8 Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your

foreheads. 9 Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates."

 

There was a time in my marriage when we were not doing so well and not getting along. We

needed to talk and get some things worked out. Frank left to preach a revival and it was the

worst timing. I felt so angry that he decided to leave instead of working on our relationship that

was in trouble. Luckily he felt it and cut his time short to come back home. Good thing

because I was furious he left.

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(Share a similar time in your life where the balance was off and someone had to give)

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Even if your time away from the family is for noble causes it can damage the home life.

 

I have often thought that it would be easier if Frank wanted to golf all the time or go fishing

every weekend. I could fight against that. But how do I say,”No, honey, you can’t go minister

to so and so tonight because I need you. Or, “No you can’t share the gospel with John

because I need your help today”?????

 

*DON’T LET YOUR FAMILY BECOME A CASUALTY-Total focus on ministry can

create bitterness and feelings of neglect within the family

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DON’T LET YOUR FAMILY BECOME AN IDOL-Total focus on family and neglecting

serving in the Kingdom can create selfishness and shallow Christianity. It will ultimately

draw you away from the Lord.

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A SOLUTION-MINISTER AS A FAMILY

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This is a soapbox of mine. I believe it is critical! As parents we model. Let children be a part of

your family team. The best way to build self esteem is not to give kids false praise but to give

them responsibilities early so they become contributors to the family and ultimately the

Kingdom. Our goal is to quickly move our children from being a consumer to being a producer.

When a child realizes that they have the power to help the family they feel good about

themselves. Same goes for giving children opportunities to serve in the Kingdom. Working

along side parents is the best way to train and keep the family focused on one main purpose.

Kids are then not neglected as mom and dad serve the Lord. They become a vital part of the

family unit serving God.

 

Andy Stanley wrote a book that I would recommend. It is called Choosing to Cheat.

You see, as you prioritize you will have to cheat something. When Frank chose to

leave for the revival he actually was choosing to cheat on our relationship and

ultimately he then choose to cheat the revival to return and make things right with me.

 

Every day we cheat something. Each day we may cheat different things. The goal is to

choose wisely each day and give where the needs are.

 

The trick is to get up each day and access the situation. How strong is the family

today? There are days when you are good and everyone can handle giving to others

and sacrificing of their desires. But there are days when maybe being cheated will

cause much heart ache.

 

What can the family handle at any given time? There are times when our children can

carry a heavy load and even learn and grow from it but when we ask that of them too

often we can cause damage. Navigate this carefully and make the choices together.

 

There are also seasons where you can give more and seasons when the family has to

take priority often. (Adjusting to a new baby, an illness, being burned out, etc.)

Make these choices with much prayer and remember, God works everything for our

good.

 

Even when we may cheat the wrong thing, the Lord is gracious and has our

backs. We cannot be in more than one place at a time.

 

My mother’s health was starting to fail and I was thrust into care giving. She needed a lot

of help and our family had to adjust to helping her, Having a large family, I was still

parenting younger children, homeschooling and preparing an 18 year old for college.

If there were four of me I still don’t think I would have met all that was required of me. The

family was amazing and I am so proud of my children who all stepped up to the plate to

help care for my mom. I eventually had to seek outside help because we were

overwhelmed by her needs and it is not a grandchild’s responsibility to care for a

grandmother. I was so torn. I felt like the worst mom. So much of my time was caring for

my mom that I cheated my kids every day. It was difficult. I felt so guilty.

But with the grace of God we managed to see the task to completion as mom passed away

at my home surrounded by family.

Months later I found a letter written by one of my daughters. She said that she knew how

difficult it was for me and knew I felt like a bad mom. She said in that letter that I wasn’t a

bad mom, I was just teaching my children how to be a daughter.

THE GRACE OF GOD!!!

 

PRIORITIZE GOD

PRIORITIZE FAMILY

MINISTER TOGETHER AS A FAMILY

NAVIGATE EACH DAY WHO OR WHAT YOU CAN AFFORD TO CHEAT

BATHE ALL OF THIS IN MUCH PRAYER

 

STUDY QUESTIONS

 

1. What are some practical ways you cam improve your alone time with God?

2. Where do you struggle with balancing your roles?

3. What are the things that hinder you from having healthy priorities?

4. What are things that you have found to help you in fulfilling your

responsibilities?

WOMEN’S ROLES

LESSON 2

GAINING UNDERSTANDING

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As a young christian I once attended a ladies rally. I was so impressed with the speaker that day and although I can not remember her name or where she was from, I clung to a phrase she used and it has been a blessing in my life for many years. She spoke of dealing with difficult people in her life and how God had worked through those situations. Her words weren’t earth shattering and you may say it was not that profound but it pierced me to the heart. She said, “When dealing with people we must always seek to gain understanding.” There are reasons why people act the way they do. Instead of labeling someone and judging quickly, seek to understand their lives, their hearts and your feelings often soften and change.

I have thought about that so often as the years go by and it has helped me in my relationships as I seek to know someone and love someone. In my youth it was easy to quickly make a determination about someone and not put any effort into understanding them.

As wives and mothers God has given us a unique role of helper, as we examined in the last lesson. He has also equipped women with certain qualities to cause them to excel in this role.

GENERAL DIFFERENCES BETWEEN MEN AND WOMEN

Men are very compartmentalized. They tend to think of one thing at a time. God has designed men to be protectors, providers, and they are task oriented. Women, on the other hand can think of multiple things at the same time and are better at multi tasking. Women are designed to be nurturers and can feel deeply for others. God asks us to have our primary focus on managing the home while men’s primary role is leadership and provision.

Women tend to be better communicators when it comes to the emotions. While men can set tasks and accomplish them, it often doesn’t take into account the feelings surrounding the action.

Of course there are exceptions but as a general rule these things are true.

Because women are gifted with these tender qualities I believe that we can set the tone in our homes and be that safe place for our family. If we take the time to “gain understanding” with our husbands, and our children we can foster healthy relationships within the home.

The opposite is also true. When we lack understanding of each other there is no peace.

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We adopted our foster son after he had been with us for 4 years. He was 8 years old. He had been taken out of his home at 4 years old due to his mother’s lack of ability to care for him well. At the time the state did not impress upon us the importance of therapy, and the challenges of attachment under these circumstances. As I look back we were not prepared for the difficulties that were inevitably coming. We did not have understanding, nor were we encouraged to gain understanding.

At 18 he left home and I was devastated. He no longer called me mom and all I felt was hurt. I had given so much and this was the way he thanked me? Lack of understanding lead to no peace, and anger, and broken relationships.
We sought help from a counselor and she was able to shed light on our situation. She explained what was going on in our son’s mind and heart and I was able to understand. I could love deeper and patiently wait until he grew through his emotions.

I wish I had known. I wish I had been prepared. I wish I had gained understanding sooner. God has healed and restored our relationship and I will always be mom now. I praise Him for being the God of restoration. But the lack of understanding caused pain for years.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

We are called to be helpers. We spoke about how we are to help as God helps. I also think that God can be our example also as we seek to understand.

Our God knows us intimately!

Psalm 139: 1-4 “O Lord, you have searched me and known me! You know when I sit down and when I rise up; You discern my thoughts from afar...even before a word is on my tongue, behold, O Lord, you know it altogether.”

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Nahum 1:7. “The Lord is good, a stronghold in the day of trouble, He knows those who take refuge in Him.”

He knows our daily routines. He understands our thoughts. He is aware of our needs. We are fully known and loved by our Heavenly Father.

We can seek understanding in the same way.

Prov. 3:13. “Blessed is the one who finds wisdom, and the one who gets understanding.”

Prov 16:16 “How much better to get wisdom than gold! To get understanding is to be chosen rather than silver.”

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Matt. 5:9 “Blessed are the peacemakers for they should be called the children of God”

Hebrews 12:14 “Pursue peace with everyone, as well as holiness, without which no one will see the Lord.”

Rom. 14:19. “So then, let us pursue what leads to peace and to mutual edification.”

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HAVING YOUR FINGER ON THE PULSE OF YOUR FAMILY

 

1.) Take the time to communicate with family members individually about their thoughts, desires, and struggles. Be quick to listen and slow to speak. Show compassion and interest as they share. (This is more important than any household chore that needs to be done.)

 

2.) Find opportunities to grow as a couple. Attend events that focus on marriage. Read books together. Watch helpful podcasts.

 

3.) As you face behaviors that upset you seek to find out what is going on underneath. Don’t react right away before you pray and ponder what might be causing such behavior.

 

4.) Educate yourself with material that can enlighten you to the psychology of behavior. Our past experiences make us what we are. As we understand what may have contributed to our behavior it helps us find ways to change.

 

5.) Don’t be ashamed to admit we struggle. But don’t be closed to the fact that God can heal.

 

6.) Realize that it is a great calling to be the one who helps people understand. It is also a great burden. It takes sacrifice to put others first instead of just blaming and being angry. Selfishness will want to creep in and must be fought!

 

7.) It is exhausting sometimes. Have a trusted person in your life who can partner with you in prayer over your relationships.

 

8.) Remember that it is all worth it. It is worth every tear, every hard conversation, every feeling of rejection, every sleepless night to be the one who relentlessly seeks understanding, peace and love. There will be eternal blessings!

 

Galatians 6 : 7-10 “Do not be deceived; God is not to be mocked. Whatever a man sows, he will reap in return. The one who sows to please his flesh, from the flesh will reap destruction; but the one who sows to please the Spirit, from Spirit will reap eternal life. Let us not grow weary in well-doing, for in due time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to everyone, and especially to the family of faith.”

 

Some suggestions for resources

How We Love.                                                                                                Milan and Kay Yerkovich
Laugh your way to a better Marriage The Grace Marriage                        Mark Gungor

The Grace Marriage                                                                                       Brad and Marilyn Rhoads

You and Me Forever                                                                                       Francis and Lisa Chan                                                         

 5 Love Languages                                                                                        Gary Chapman


ADD YOUR OWN SUGGESTIONS

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