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Lesson 1
Building With The Correct Mindset
 

Our theme verse comes from

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Proverbs 14:1. “Every wise woman builds her house but the foolish

tears it down with her own hands”

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As women and moms it is important that we understand the power we possess to make

or break the atmosphere of our families. It may not seem fair but we do have the power

to build up or tear down. Remember the old saying, “If momma ain’t happy, nobody is

happy” ?

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Proverbs 24: 3-4. “By wisdom a house is built and by understanding it

is established. And by knowledge the rooms are filled with all

precious and pleasant riches”

 

To be an effective builder we must have the right mindset. One that honors God.

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Proverbs 23:7 “As a man thinks, so he is”

Romans 12:2 “Do not be conformed to the pattern of this world but be

transformed by the renewing of your mind."

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Parenting is often a thankless job.

It is exhausting both mentally and physically.

It can leave us feeling unimportant, unproductive, and insignificant.

The daily tasks of motherhood are often mundane.

Shifting the mindset to recognize that God has entrusted your children to you and you

are the perfect mom for them. No one will ever love your children more than you.

 

In the video I shared how I wanted to work a ministry but didn’t realize that the ministry that was

most important was my family. A change of mindset was required.

 

You are the first picture of Jesus they will ever see. You are the first to speak into your

children to shape who they will become.

* What do your children see as they look at you?

* What are they learning as they observe you dealing with life?

 

In the mundane tasks of motherhood it is easy to feel that you are not doing anything of

importance.

Keep in mind that your children are going to be amazing people someday and you have

a hand in what they become.

 

Proverbs 22:6 “Train up a child in the way he should go and when he is

old he will not depart form it”

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Isaiah 54:13 “All your children shall be taught by the Lord and great

shall be the peace of your children”

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Training up children in the Lord brings peace to their lives.

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From my vantage point now with my children grown I can see clearly what I had an influence on.

Bibles being translated in Africa

Gospel being preached in Texas and Missouri

Troubled youth being ministered to

Medical care going to the African coast

Christian music being written and shared

Ministries being served in

Strong marriages

Faithful friends

And the list goes on

If only I could have thought of these things when I felt like I was having no impact. It would have made

the day to day seem more tolerable.

 

 

So when you are feeling like you are not progressing..................

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1) Remember the importance of your role

We see only one small moment but God sees the entire picture

So persevere. Your children have the potential to do great things in this world and your

guidance in that is not insignificant.

 

2) Remember the importance of God’s strength

I promise that you do not have the strength to do this on your own.

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2 Corinthians 12:9. “My grace is sufficient for you and my power is

perfected in weakness”

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God can do mighty things in our weakness and as we humble ourselves before the Lord

He works! Humble yourself before God and He will lift you up! (James 4:10)

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3) Remember the importance of God’s wisdom

We have not been left clueless. The old saying is that babies don’t come with

manuals. But there are so many scriptures that guide us on our parenting journey. We

have the perfect manual.

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4) Remember God’s grace

 

​Lamentations 3:22 “The Lord’s loving kindnesses indeed never

cease. His compassions never fail. They are new every morning. Great

is Your faithfulness.”

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No matter how badly we mess up every morning is a new day and filled with mercy.

God forgives. We must learn to forgive ourselves.

The prayer I repeated the most during my parenting years was usually prayed at night when I rested my

head to sleep. I would ask God to please fix all the mistakes I had made that day.

 

STUDY QUESTIONS

 

1) What is your greatest mind battle?

2) How do you try to renew your mind concerning this?

3) Share a time when you knew your mindset was not effective and needed changing.

How did you change it?

4) What part of parenting do you currently find the most difficult?

5) What victories are you experiencing in your life as a mom?

WOMEN’S ROLES

LESSON 2

GAINING UNDERSTANDING

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As a young christian I once attended a ladies rally. I was so impressed with the speaker that day and although I can not remember her name or where she was from, I clung to a phrase she used and it has been a blessing in my life for many years. She spoke of dealing with difficult people in her life and how God had worked through those situations. Her words weren’t earth shattering and you may say it was not that profound but it pierced me to the heart. She said, “When dealing with people we must always seek to gain understanding.” There are reasons why people act the way they do. Instead of labeling someone and judging quickly, seek to understand their lives, their hearts and your feelings often soften and change.

I have thought about that so often as the years go by and it has helped me in my relationships as I seek to know someone and love someone. In my youth it was easy to quickly make a determination about someone and not put any effort into understanding them.

As wives and mothers God has given us a unique role of helper, as we examined in the last lesson. He has also equipped women with certain qualities to cause them to excel in this role.

GENERAL DIFFERENCES BETWEEN MEN AND WOMEN

Men are very compartmentalized. They tend to think of one thing at a time. God has designed men to be protectors, providers, and they are task oriented. Women, on the other hand can think of multiple things at the same time and are better at multi tasking. Women are designed to be nurturers and can feel deeply for others. God asks us to have our primary focus on managing the home while men’s primary role is leadership and provision.

Women tend to be better communicators when it comes to the emotions. While men can set tasks and accomplish them, it often doesn’t take into account the feelings surrounding the action.

Of course there are exceptions but as a general rule these things are true.

Because women are gifted with these tender qualities I believe that we can set the tone in our homes and be that safe place for our family. If we take the time to “gain understanding” with our husbands, and our children we can foster healthy relationships within the home.

The opposite is also true. When we lack understanding of each other there is no peace.

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We adopted our foster son after he had been with us for 4 years. He was 8 years old. He had been taken out of his home at 4 years old due to his mother’s lack of ability to care for him well. At the time the state did not impress upon us the importance of therapy, and the challenges of attachment under these circumstances. As I look back we were not prepared for the difficulties that were inevitably coming. We did not have understanding, nor were we encouraged to gain understanding.

At 18 he left home and I was devastated. He no longer called me mom and all I felt was hurt. I had given so much and this was the way he thanked me? Lack of understanding lead to no peace, and anger, and broken relationships.
We sought help from a counselor and she was able to shed light on our situation. She explained what was going on in our son’s mind and heart and I was able to understand. I could love deeper and patiently wait until he grew through his emotions.

I wish I had known. I wish I had been prepared. I wish I had gained understanding sooner. God has healed and restored our relationship and I will always be mom now. I praise Him for being the God of restoration. But the lack of understanding caused pain for years.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

We are called to be helpers. We spoke about how we are to help as God helps. I also think that God can be our example also as we seek to understand.

Our God knows us intimately!

Psalm 139: 1-4 “O Lord, you have searched me and known me! You know when I sit down and when I rise up; You discern my thoughts from afar...even before a word is on my tongue, behold, O Lord, you know it altogether.”

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Nahum 1:7. “The Lord is good, a stronghold in the day of trouble, He knows those who take refuge in Him.”

He knows our daily routines. He understands our thoughts. He is aware of our needs. We are fully known and loved by our Heavenly Father.

We can seek understanding in the same way.

Prov. 3:13. “Blessed is the one who finds wisdom, and the one who gets understanding.”

Prov 16:16 “How much better to get wisdom than gold! To get understanding is to be chosen rather than silver.”

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Matt. 5:9 “Blessed are the peacemakers for they should be called the children of God”

Hebrews 12:14 “Pursue peace with everyone, as well as holiness, without which no one will see the Lord.”

Rom. 14:19. “So then, let us pursue what leads to peace and to mutual edification.”

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HAVING YOUR FINGER ON THE PULSE OF YOUR FAMILY

 

1.) Take the time to communicate with family members individually about their thoughts, desires, and struggles. Be quick to listen and slow to speak. Show compassion and interest as they share. (This is more important than any household chore that needs to be done.)

 

2.) Find opportunities to grow as a couple. Attend events that focus on marriage. Read books together. Watch helpful podcasts.

 

3.) As you face behaviors that upset you seek to find out what is going on underneath. Don’t react right away before you pray and ponder what might be causing such behavior.

 

4.) Educate yourself with material that can enlighten you to the psychology of behavior. Our past experiences make us what we are. As we understand what may have contributed to our behavior it helps us find ways to change.

 

5.) Don’t be ashamed to admit we struggle. But don’t be closed to the fact that God can heal.

 

6.) Realize that it is a great calling to be the one who helps people understand. It is also a great burden. It takes sacrifice to put others first instead of just blaming and being angry. Selfishness will want to creep in and must be fought!

 

7.) It is exhausting sometimes. Have a trusted person in your life who can partner with you in prayer over your relationships.

 

8.) Remember that it is all worth it. It is worth every tear, every hard conversation, every feeling of rejection, every sleepless night to be the one who relentlessly seeks understanding, peace and love. There will be eternal blessings!

 

Galatians 6 : 7-10 “Do not be deceived; God is not to be mocked. Whatever a man sows, he will reap in return. The one who sows to please his flesh, from the flesh will reap destruction; but the one who sows to please the Spirit, from Spirit will reap eternal life. Let us not grow weary in well-doing, for in due time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to everyone, and especially to the family of faith.”

 

Some suggestions for resources

How We Love.                                                                                                Milan and Kay Yerkovich
Laugh your way to a better Marriage The Grace Marriage                        Mark Gungor

The Grace Marriage                                                                                       Brad and Marilyn Rhoads

You and Me Forever                                                                                       Francis and Lisa Chan                                                         

 5 Love Languages                                                                                        Gary Chapman


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