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Lesson 6
Building A Legacy

We may not like to think about it but we all will die someday.  Our earthly lives are not meant to last forever.  In light of this, what do you want people to remember about you when you have gone home to be with our Lord and Savior?  What legacy do you wish to leave?

If you could imagine the gathering to remember you, what words would you like to hear in your eulogy?  After the funeral, what would you like your friends and family to be talking about, to be thinking about?  Ok, you may think that this is a morbid exercise.  You may think it is a selfish thought but I want us to think about the impact our lives are making.

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Matthew 6:19-20 “Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moths and vermin destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moths and vermin do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal.”

 

Let’s first talk about what is valuable to be remembered.

People could remember our appearance, our occupation, our possessions or how much money we made.  They could talk about the clubs we participated in or the hobbies we had.  They might remember how well decorated our homes were or all the toys we had.  I dare to say that this would be disappointing to me if these were the conversations at my funeral dinner.  

I would rather be remembered by the relationships I had, the kindness I showed,  and the love I had for Jesus.  I would rather hear of how I encouraged someone in their walk with Christ, how I prayed for them through difficult times, how I pointed them to scripture.

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In Acts 4 we see Peter and John being detained because they were teaching and healing in the name of Jesus.  As they were questioned about what authority they were doing this, Peter spoke boldly about Jesus and said it was by the name of Jesus that they healed the lame man. He continued to share the gospel and told of Christ’s death and resurrection. 

In verse 13 the scripture says, 

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“Now when they beheld the boldness of Peter and John, and they perceived that they were unlearned and ignorant men, they marveled; and they took knowledge of them, that they had been with Jesus.”

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Wouldn’t you rather want your friends and family to be talking about how you could always know that “she was with Jesus”?  I sure do!

So I then have to ask myself, am I living in such a way now that will bring about that response when I am gone?  Consider these questions.

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Do I every day commune with God and seek the leading of the Holy Spirit?

Do I have an active prayer life?

Do I think in every situation how I can plant a seed for God?

What do I spend my time doing?

Do I spend too much time on frivolous things?

Am I available when others need me?

Can my children say they feel heard?

Do my children see the same person at home the they see in Church?

Do I give scriptural advice or worldly wisdom when asked questions?

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What other questions could we ask ourselves to evaluated just how we are doing on storing up for ourselves treasures in heaven?

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A wonderful song that I love is the song “Planting Trees” by Andrew Peterson

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Play the song from the counting stars album.  It is a great encouragement to moms to keep focused on building a legacy.

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PLANTING TREES

Andrew Peterson

 

We chose the spot

We dug the hole

We laid the maples in the ground

To have and hold

 

As autumn falls

To winters sleep

We pray that somehow in the spring

The roots grow deep

 

And many years from now

Long after we are gone

These trees will spread their branches out 

And bless the dawn

 

He took a plane

To Africa

He gathered up into his arms

An orphan son

 

So many years from now

Long after we are gone

This tree will spread its branches out

And bless the dawn

 

So sit down and write that letter

Sign up and join the fight

Sink in to all that matters

Step out into the light

 

Let go of all that’s passing

Lift up the least of these

Lean into something lasting

Planting trees

 

She rises up As morning breaks

She moves among these rooms alone

Before we wake

 

 

And her heart is so full

It overflows

She waters us with love 

And the children grow

 

So many years from now

Long after we are gone

These trees will spread their branches out

And bless the dawn

 

These trees will spread their branches out 

And bless someone

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WOMEN’S ROLES

LESSON 2

GAINING UNDERSTANDING

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As a young christian I once attended a ladies rally. I was so impressed with the speaker that day and although I can not remember her name or where she was from, I clung to a phrase she used and it has been a blessing in my life for many years. She spoke of dealing with difficult people in her life and how God had worked through those situations. Her words weren’t earth shattering and you may say it was not that profound but it pierced me to the heart. She said, “When dealing with people we must always seek to gain understanding.” There are reasons why people act the way they do. Instead of labeling someone and judging quickly, seek to understand their lives, their hearts and your feelings often soften and change.

I have thought about that so often as the years go by and it has helped me in my relationships as I seek to know someone and love someone. In my youth it was easy to quickly make a determination about someone and not put any effort into understanding them.

As wives and mothers God has given us a unique role of helper, as we examined in the last lesson. He has also equipped women with certain qualities to cause them to excel in this role.

GENERAL DIFFERENCES BETWEEN MEN AND WOMEN

Men are very compartmentalized. They tend to think of one thing at a time. God has designed men to be protectors, providers, and they are task oriented. Women, on the other hand can think of multiple things at the same time and are better at multi tasking. Women are designed to be nurturers and can feel deeply for others. God asks us to have our primary focus on managing the home while men’s primary role is leadership and provision.

Women tend to be better communicators when it comes to the emotions. While men can set tasks and accomplish them, it often doesn’t take into account the feelings surrounding the action.

Of course there are exceptions but as a general rule these things are true.

Because women are gifted with these tender qualities I believe that we can set the tone in our homes and be that safe place for our family. If we take the time to “gain understanding” with our husbands, and our children we can foster healthy relationships within the home.

The opposite is also true. When we lack understanding of each other there is no peace.

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We adopted our foster son after he had been with us for 4 years. He was 8 years old. He had been taken out of his home at 4 years old due to his mother’s lack of ability to care for him well. At the time the state did not impress upon us the importance of therapy, and the challenges of attachment under these circumstances. As I look back we were not prepared for the difficulties that were inevitably coming. We did not have understanding, nor were we encouraged to gain understanding.

At 18 he left home and I was devastated. He no longer called me mom and all I felt was hurt. I had given so much and this was the way he thanked me? Lack of understanding lead to no peace, and anger, and broken relationships.
We sought help from a counselor and she was able to shed light on our situation. She explained what was going on in our son’s mind and heart and I was able to understand. I could love deeper and patiently wait until he grew through his emotions.

I wish I had known. I wish I had been prepared. I wish I had gained understanding sooner. God has healed and restored our relationship and I will always be mom now. I praise Him for being the God of restoration. But the lack of understanding caused pain for years.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

We are called to be helpers. We spoke about how we are to help as God helps. I also think that God can be our example also as we seek to understand.

Our God knows us intimately!

Psalm 139: 1-4 “O Lord, you have searched me and known me! You know when I sit down and when I rise up; You discern my thoughts from afar...even before a word is on my tongue, behold, O Lord, you know it altogether.”

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Nahum 1:7. “The Lord is good, a stronghold in the day of trouble, He knows those who take refuge in Him.”

He knows our daily routines. He understands our thoughts. He is aware of our needs. We are fully known and loved by our Heavenly Father.

We can seek understanding in the same way.

Prov. 3:13. “Blessed is the one who finds wisdom, and the one who gets understanding.”

Prov 16:16 “How much better to get wisdom than gold! To get understanding is to be chosen rather than silver.”

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Matt. 5:9 “Blessed are the peacemakers for they should be called the children of God”

Hebrews 12:14 “Pursue peace with everyone, as well as holiness, without which no one will see the Lord.”

Rom. 14:19. “So then, let us pursue what leads to peace and to mutual edification.”

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HAVING YOUR FINGER ON THE PULSE OF YOUR FAMILY

 

1.) Take the time to communicate with family members individually about their thoughts, desires, and struggles. Be quick to listen and slow to speak. Show compassion and interest as they share. (This is more important than any household chore that needs to be done.)

 

2.) Find opportunities to grow as a couple. Attend events that focus on marriage. Read books together. Watch helpful podcasts.

 

3.) As you face behaviors that upset you seek to find out what is going on underneath. Don’t react right away before you pray and ponder what might be causing such behavior.

 

4.) Educate yourself with material that can enlighten you to the psychology of behavior. Our past experiences make us what we are. As we understand what may have contributed to our behavior it helps us find ways to change.

 

5.) Don’t be ashamed to admit we struggle. But don’t be closed to the fact that God can heal.

 

6.) Realize that it is a great calling to be the one who helps people understand. It is also a great burden. It takes sacrifice to put others first instead of just blaming and being angry. Selfishness will want to creep in and must be fought!

 

7.) It is exhausting sometimes. Have a trusted person in your life who can partner with you in prayer over your relationships.

 

8.) Remember that it is all worth it. It is worth every tear, every hard conversation, every feeling of rejection, every sleepless night to be the one who relentlessly seeks understanding, peace and love. There will be eternal blessings!

 

Galatians 6 : 7-10 “Do not be deceived; God is not to be mocked. Whatever a man sows, he will reap in return. The one who sows to please his flesh, from the flesh will reap destruction; but the one who sows to please the Spirit, from Spirit will reap eternal life. Let us not grow weary in well-doing, for in due time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to everyone, and especially to the family of faith.”

 

Some suggestions for resources

How We Love.                                                                                                Milan and Kay Yerkovich
Laugh your way to a better Marriage The Grace Marriage                        Mark Gungor

The Grace Marriage                                                                                       Brad and Marilyn Rhoads

You and Me Forever                                                                                       Francis and Lisa Chan                                                         

 5 Love Languages                                                                                        Gary Chapman


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