Season of Sad
Little did I know when I wrote my last blog entitled "I Don't Do Sad", that my husband and I would be embarking on a season of sad ourselves. In ministry our hearts walk through many trials with the congregation we serve and love like our own family. We have held many hands, given many hugs, and opened listening ears to many who needed a hearing. We have buried many friends, embraced the mourning, counseled many hurting parents, and labored over prayers offered to God on behalf of our beloved brothers and sisters. We have cried over lost faith, sinful choices and those who have seemed to abandon us in the service of Christ. Our hearts have been broken over and over again yet the mountain top experiences still come. God is still faithful and He never leaves his broken hearted alone and without encouragement. It is much like motherhood. The love is indescribable, the joys are unbelievable, yet being a mom can bring such sadness.
Motherhood begins with this amazing totally dependent human being who every second is relying on you for his or her entire existence. I am often struck when I hold a new born infant and gaze into her eyes at the pure innocence and vulnerability that is before me. The monumental responsibility we have to care for this little person is overwhelming sometimes and I am filled with awe at the gift of these people we are entrusted with. But year in and year out sadness creeps in. Each time this child needs me a little less it breaks a piece of my heart. When I heard the words "me do" I was proud but sad.
When my children learned to tie their own shoes, chose their own clothes to wear, accomplished their own goals, spent the day with friends, left for college and so on my heart was so excited and proud but sad at the same time.
I have experienced the infant stage, adolescence, teenager, and now adult children stage and I had no idea how sad the passing of time with your children can be. How fast it flies and I am shocked by the feelings that are left. Oh no doubt there are plenty of mountain top experiences. Plenty of pride and joy in seeing your kids thrive and make great choices and loving and serving the Lord. I am so happy for the lives that they are living and love to brag on them all the time. But no one ever prepped me for the sadness that overtakes me when you no longer can do life together on the day to day. It rips you apart.
At the same time we at this age also deal with the loss of our parents. We are caught between the feelings of loss on either end of the spectrum. We no longer are parenting our children but now parent our parents. What a weird place to be and how sad it is.
Hold your moments carefully, moms. Love deeply. Appreciate the chaos. Cherish the annoyances. Let the little people bug you because one day they will not need to bug you. Hug long and hard while they are there to give you hugs. Let it all sink into your hearts and minds.
And in the sad remember this, The Lord is near to the broken hearted. Mixed with the joys of life are the sad moments. If something is sad when it ends then it must have been pretty amazing while it was happening. The amazing will sure outshine the sadness.