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THE NORTH STAR

  • Apr 10, 2023
  • 3 min read

Updated: Apr 16, 2023


You know the statement, "The only thing that is constant is change". All I have to do is look every morning in the mirror to be reminded that things certainly do change, Where did the firm, smooth skin go on my face? All the lines, where did they come from? Rooms, once filled with noise and clutter and activity are now still, empty, and calm. That may sound wonderful to you moms who are thick in the chaos but it is a change that can be difficult to appreciate when you get to my stage of life. Once energetic and limber, now it takes a few moments to get going as I stand up from a sitting position. Once having full control of my family, now I have to step back and trust my children to navigate their own individual lives. Certainly change is sure!


I must admit that I am uneasy with change. With each variation I experience fear, uncertainty, and anxiety. I much prefer the well known and the routine. It brings me peace to be certain of things.


I feel that this difficulty with flexibility was so magnified in the last 3 years as we all experienced the uncertainly of a world wide pandemic. For me it heightened the anxiety. Change is inevitable though, pandemic or not.


These feelings have caused me to want to search for and grasp with a tight grip that which is constant and sure. When I find my mind spiraling, it settles me to meditate on what is never changing. Like Polaris, the North Star, always pointing north, not moving in the sky, a constant beacon to what is true; true north.


First I stop and think about the constants in my life; the love of Christ, the love of my husband, the care of family and the devotion of true friends. What a comfort to ponder with a grateful heart those lovely facts! My default is often to think of the negative. I can ruminate on negative thoughts for days. I am working on changing that; a change I will welcome.


"Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable, if anything is excellent or praiseworthy, think about these things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me put it into practice and the God of peace will be with you." Phil 4: 8-9


My word for this year has been constant. I meditate on the image of the North Star, that which guides to safety, peace, and truth. Satan is such an enemy. He wants us drowning in the chaos, fear, and uncertainty of life. God says,"no. Look to the Way, the Truth, and the Life." Place your hope on the never changing God who is the same yesterday, today and tomorrow. God's promises are sure, constant, and a beacon to what is true.


As I think on these things, I am also convicted that in addition to changing my mindset, I must strive to be a North Star for those around me. My desire is to be a constant in the lives of those who know and love me. I want to be someone who can be counted on to be there always pointing others to Christ Jesus. People come and go but when they are with me I want others to experience someone who is sure. Not perfect or without struggles, for my battles are many, but a person who is convicted on the truth of God's love, and will love them unconditionally. I know I need that in a world that seems to be spinning out of control.


"Do you not know, have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary. His understanding is beyond searching out." Is. 40:28


Galileo once said, "I've loved the stars too fondly to be fearful of the night." I think that is just beautiful. I too have loved the Bright Morning Star; Jesus. Can I say too fondly to fear the night? That is my aim.


"...Perfect love casts out fear..." 1 John 4:18


"Therefore my beloved brothers, be steadfast, immovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, knowing that in the Lord your labor is not in vain." 1 Cor. 15:58


Be the North Star.



 
 
 

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WOMEN’S ROLES

LESSON 2

GAINING UNDERSTANDING

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As a young christian I once attended a ladies rally. I was so impressed with the speaker that day and although I can not remember her name or where she was from, I clung to a phrase she used and it has been a blessing in my life for many years. She spoke of dealing with difficult people in her life and how God had worked through those situations. Her words weren’t earth shattering and you may say it was not that profound but it pierced me to the heart. She said, “When dealing with people we must always seek to gain understanding.” There are reasons why people act the way they do. Instead of labeling someone and judging quickly, seek to understand their lives, their hearts and your feelings often soften and change.

I have thought about that so often as the years go by and it has helped me in my relationships as I seek to know someone and love someone. In my youth it was easy to quickly make a determination about someone and not put any effort into understanding them.

As wives and mothers God has given us a unique role of helper, as we examined in the last lesson. He has also equipped women with certain qualities to cause them to excel in this role.

GENERAL DIFFERENCES BETWEEN MEN AND WOMEN

Men are very compartmentalized. They tend to think of one thing at a time. God has designed men to be protectors, providers, and they are task oriented. Women, on the other hand can think of multiple things at the same time and are better at multi tasking. Women are designed to be nurturers and can feel deeply for others. God asks us to have our primary focus on managing the home while men’s primary role is leadership and provision.

Women tend to be better communicators when it comes to the emotions. While men can set tasks and accomplish them, it often doesn’t take into account the feelings surrounding the action.

Of course there are exceptions but as a general rule these things are true.

Because women are gifted with these tender qualities I believe that we can set the tone in our homes and be that safe place for our family. If we take the time to “gain understanding” with our husbands, and our children we can foster healthy relationships within the home.

The opposite is also true. When we lack understanding of each other there is no peace.

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We adopted our foster son after he had been with us for 4 years. He was 8 years old. He had been taken out of his home at 4 years old due to his mother’s lack of ability to care for him well. At the time the state did not impress upon us the importance of therapy, and the challenges of attachment under these circumstances. As I look back we were not prepared for the difficulties that were inevitably coming. We did not have understanding, nor were we encouraged to gain understanding.

At 18 he left home and I was devastated. He no longer called me mom and all I felt was hurt. I had given so much and this was the way he thanked me? Lack of understanding lead to no peace, and anger, and broken relationships.
We sought help from a counselor and she was able to shed light on our situation. She explained what was going on in our son’s mind and heart and I was able to understand. I could love deeper and patiently wait until he grew through his emotions.

I wish I had known. I wish I had been prepared. I wish I had gained understanding sooner. God has healed and restored our relationship and I will always be mom now. I praise Him for being the God of restoration. But the lack of understanding caused pain for years.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

We are called to be helpers. We spoke about how we are to help as God helps. I also think that God can be our example also as we seek to understand.

Our God knows us intimately!

Psalm 139: 1-4 “O Lord, you have searched me and known me! You know when I sit down and when I rise up; You discern my thoughts from afar...even before a word is on my tongue, behold, O Lord, you know it altogether.”

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Nahum 1:7. “The Lord is good, a stronghold in the day of trouble, He knows those who take refuge in Him.”

He knows our daily routines. He understands our thoughts. He is aware of our needs. We are fully known and loved by our Heavenly Father.

We can seek understanding in the same way.

Prov. 3:13. “Blessed is the one who finds wisdom, and the one who gets understanding.”

Prov 16:16 “How much better to get wisdom than gold! To get understanding is to be chosen rather than silver.”

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Matt. 5:9 “Blessed are the peacemakers for they should be called the children of God”

Hebrews 12:14 “Pursue peace with everyone, as well as holiness, without which no one will see the Lord.”

Rom. 14:19. “So then, let us pursue what leads to peace and to mutual edification.”

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HAVING YOUR FINGER ON THE PULSE OF YOUR FAMILY

 

1.) Take the time to communicate with family members individually about their thoughts, desires, and struggles. Be quick to listen and slow to speak. Show compassion and interest as they share. (This is more important than any household chore that needs to be done.)

 

2.) Find opportunities to grow as a couple. Attend events that focus on marriage. Read books together. Watch helpful podcasts.

 

3.) As you face behaviors that upset you seek to find out what is going on underneath. Don’t react right away before you pray and ponder what might be causing such behavior.

 

4.) Educate yourself with material that can enlighten you to the psychology of behavior. Our past experiences make us what we are. As we understand what may have contributed to our behavior it helps us find ways to change.

 

5.) Don’t be ashamed to admit we struggle. But don’t be closed to the fact that God can heal.

 

6.) Realize that it is a great calling to be the one who helps people understand. It is also a great burden. It takes sacrifice to put others first instead of just blaming and being angry. Selfishness will want to creep in and must be fought!

 

7.) It is exhausting sometimes. Have a trusted person in your life who can partner with you in prayer over your relationships.

 

8.) Remember that it is all worth it. It is worth every tear, every hard conversation, every feeling of rejection, every sleepless night to be the one who relentlessly seeks understanding, peace and love. There will be eternal blessings!

 

Galatians 6 : 7-10 “Do not be deceived; God is not to be mocked. Whatever a man sows, he will reap in return. The one who sows to please his flesh, from the flesh will reap destruction; but the one who sows to please the Spirit, from Spirit will reap eternal life. Let us not grow weary in well-doing, for in due time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to everyone, and especially to the family of faith.”

 

Some suggestions for resources

How We Love.                                                                                                Milan and Kay Yerkovich
Laugh your way to a better Marriage The Grace Marriage                        Mark Gungor

The Grace Marriage                                                                                       Brad and Marilyn Rhoads

You and Me Forever                                                                                       Francis and Lisa Chan                                                         

 5 Love Languages                                                                                        Gary Chapman


ADD YOUR OWN SUGGESTIONS

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