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The Mother's Heart

  • Aug 13, 2022
  • 3 min read

From the perspective of a mom who's children are grown and off living their own lives, I often want to beg young moms to stop and notice the joys of having young children because these years pass so quickly. It so does not feel like it, I know, yet it is the truth. I would mistakenly say things like, "Enjoy every moment because the years fly by too quickly." This comment was sometimes met with frustration and anger because another truth is that every moment of parenting cannot be enjoyed. There are times when it is impossible to enjoy being vomited on or disciplining a misbehaved child. And then when you are told you should enjoy it all, you feel like a failure when you don't. Ok, that is fair. My words to enjoy every moment are not the best words to express what I want to encourage moms with. So, what is it that I really want to say?

I think we can take a lesson from Mary, the mother of Jesus. I want to encourage everyone to practice the art of "treasuring in your heart." Luke records three times when Mary "pondered in her heart". She kept or retained the events she was a part of as mementos in her heart to remember always.


I can recount each moment when I gave birth to my children; the room, the feelings, that first quiet moment after everyone left the room when I had my first heart to heart talk with my newest blessing. I can close my eyes and remember the moment my son, facing his first mission trip, fell on the couch in tears feeling a bit fearful of the journey. I can feel the bitter/sweet emotion I experience every time I have to say goodbye to my kids as they leave the nest to fly on their own. I remember their funny sayings, the singing at night to settle down to bed, and even the times when I had to come down hard on them. I have treasured the tears and prayers when I wrestled with God over hard situations. My heart can be so incredibly full that it's overwhelming. And I am only one mom. I think of the abundantly full hearts of so many moms.

I have known moms struggling with infertility and how their hearts longed for moments to treasure and then how it played out as an adopted child entered their lives. I have known moms who had to bear the pain of raising a child with special needs. These moms had to grieve the loss of the common dreams to find a new and unique path to treasure in their hearts. I have known moms who struggle with mental illness or addictions. Their hearts can be filled with regret or hard choices of sacrifice that had to be made so their children could have the best life possible. Yet I know the the love they feel for their children is etched safely in their heart forever. I also know moms who had a really difficult time with parenting. My encouragement to them is to work on treasuring. Try to find just one moment in the day to notice and mark in the memory; a smile, a hug, a fleeting moment that can be tucked away to remember later.

I often find myself awake at night and my mind travels to all the moments I have treasured in my heart; the good, the bad, the joyous, the painful. This is the testimony to how God has orchestrated my life. These are the moments that are my story as a women, a wife and a mom. These memories, treasured in my heart, are my friends and as friends do, they cause my to cry sometimes, laugh sometimes and smile a lot.

When I would help my mom get to bed in the last few years of her life we had a routine. We helped her pull herself up from the wheelchair and on to bed. We assisted her with laying down. We placed wedges by her back and a pillow between her knees. After covering her I gave her what we lovingly called her pacifier; a small, soft, tubular pillow that she would hug close to her heart. As I kissed her goodnight she would often tear up and whimper a little, clutching the pillow tightly. As I left her room I could only imagine the memories she had treasured in her heart over he ninety three years of her life, bitter/sweet, there to keep her company as she slept. The music of her life.

I pray we all can, like Mary, be mindful of "treasuring in our hearts". Don't let the small, powerful moments of your life pass by unnoticed. Keep them as mementos in your heart to treasure always.


 
 
 

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WOMEN’S ROLES

LESSON 2

GAINING UNDERSTANDING

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As a young christian I once attended a ladies rally. I was so impressed with the speaker that day and although I can not remember her name or where she was from, I clung to a phrase she used and it has been a blessing in my life for many years. She spoke of dealing with difficult people in her life and how God had worked through those situations. Her words weren’t earth shattering and you may say it was not that profound but it pierced me to the heart. She said, “When dealing with people we must always seek to gain understanding.” There are reasons why people act the way they do. Instead of labeling someone and judging quickly, seek to understand their lives, their hearts and your feelings often soften and change.

I have thought about that so often as the years go by and it has helped me in my relationships as I seek to know someone and love someone. In my youth it was easy to quickly make a determination about someone and not put any effort into understanding them.

As wives and mothers God has given us a unique role of helper, as we examined in the last lesson. He has also equipped women with certain qualities to cause them to excel in this role.

GENERAL DIFFERENCES BETWEEN MEN AND WOMEN

Men are very compartmentalized. They tend to think of one thing at a time. God has designed men to be protectors, providers, and they are task oriented. Women, on the other hand can think of multiple things at the same time and are better at multi tasking. Women are designed to be nurturers and can feel deeply for others. God asks us to have our primary focus on managing the home while men’s primary role is leadership and provision.

Women tend to be better communicators when it comes to the emotions. While men can set tasks and accomplish them, it often doesn’t take into account the feelings surrounding the action.

Of course there are exceptions but as a general rule these things are true.

Because women are gifted with these tender qualities I believe that we can set the tone in our homes and be that safe place for our family. If we take the time to “gain understanding” with our husbands, and our children we can foster healthy relationships within the home.

The opposite is also true. When we lack understanding of each other there is no peace.

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We adopted our foster son after he had been with us for 4 years. He was 8 years old. He had been taken out of his home at 4 years old due to his mother’s lack of ability to care for him well. At the time the state did not impress upon us the importance of therapy, and the challenges of attachment under these circumstances. As I look back we were not prepared for the difficulties that were inevitably coming. We did not have understanding, nor were we encouraged to gain understanding.

At 18 he left home and I was devastated. He no longer called me mom and all I felt was hurt. I had given so much and this was the way he thanked me? Lack of understanding lead to no peace, and anger, and broken relationships.
We sought help from a counselor and she was able to shed light on our situation. She explained what was going on in our son’s mind and heart and I was able to understand. I could love deeper and patiently wait until he grew through his emotions.

I wish I had known. I wish I had been prepared. I wish I had gained understanding sooner. God has healed and restored our relationship and I will always be mom now. I praise Him for being the God of restoration. But the lack of understanding caused pain for years.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

We are called to be helpers. We spoke about how we are to help as God helps. I also think that God can be our example also as we seek to understand.

Our God knows us intimately!

Psalm 139: 1-4 “O Lord, you have searched me and known me! You know when I sit down and when I rise up; You discern my thoughts from afar...even before a word is on my tongue, behold, O Lord, you know it altogether.”

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Nahum 1:7. “The Lord is good, a stronghold in the day of trouble, He knows those who take refuge in Him.”

He knows our daily routines. He understands our thoughts. He is aware of our needs. We are fully known and loved by our Heavenly Father.

We can seek understanding in the same way.

Prov. 3:13. “Blessed is the one who finds wisdom, and the one who gets understanding.”

Prov 16:16 “How much better to get wisdom than gold! To get understanding is to be chosen rather than silver.”

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Matt. 5:9 “Blessed are the peacemakers for they should be called the children of God”

Hebrews 12:14 “Pursue peace with everyone, as well as holiness, without which no one will see the Lord.”

Rom. 14:19. “So then, let us pursue what leads to peace and to mutual edification.”

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HAVING YOUR FINGER ON THE PULSE OF YOUR FAMILY

 

1.) Take the time to communicate with family members individually about their thoughts, desires, and struggles. Be quick to listen and slow to speak. Show compassion and interest as they share. (This is more important than any household chore that needs to be done.)

 

2.) Find opportunities to grow as a couple. Attend events that focus on marriage. Read books together. Watch helpful podcasts.

 

3.) As you face behaviors that upset you seek to find out what is going on underneath. Don’t react right away before you pray and ponder what might be causing such behavior.

 

4.) Educate yourself with material that can enlighten you to the psychology of behavior. Our past experiences make us what we are. As we understand what may have contributed to our behavior it helps us find ways to change.

 

5.) Don’t be ashamed to admit we struggle. But don’t be closed to the fact that God can heal.

 

6.) Realize that it is a great calling to be the one who helps people understand. It is also a great burden. It takes sacrifice to put others first instead of just blaming and being angry. Selfishness will want to creep in and must be fought!

 

7.) It is exhausting sometimes. Have a trusted person in your life who can partner with you in prayer over your relationships.

 

8.) Remember that it is all worth it. It is worth every tear, every hard conversation, every feeling of rejection, every sleepless night to be the one who relentlessly seeks understanding, peace and love. There will be eternal blessings!

 

Galatians 6 : 7-10 “Do not be deceived; God is not to be mocked. Whatever a man sows, he will reap in return. The one who sows to please his flesh, from the flesh will reap destruction; but the one who sows to please the Spirit, from Spirit will reap eternal life. Let us not grow weary in well-doing, for in due time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to everyone, and especially to the family of faith.”

 

Some suggestions for resources

How We Love.                                                                                                Milan and Kay Yerkovich
Laugh your way to a better Marriage The Grace Marriage                        Mark Gungor

The Grace Marriage                                                                                       Brad and Marilyn Rhoads

You and Me Forever                                                                                       Francis and Lisa Chan                                                         

 5 Love Languages                                                                                        Gary Chapman


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