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Lesson 5
Building Toward An Incorruptible Love

Ephesians 6:24 says, "Grace be with all those who love our Lord Jesus Christ with incorruptible love."

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I believe the most powerful identifying mark of a christian is how he or she loves. In 1st Peter 1, staring at the 5th verse the scripture urges us to add to our faith various qualities like moral excellence, knowledge, self control, perseverance, godliness, and kindness. All these build upon each other until you add love. 

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Jesus tells us that the greatest commandment is to love the Lord, your God. The second is to love your neighbor. 

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There are 4 main types of love:

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Storge - Affection or familial love that is based on familiarity.

               Often family members will have nothing in common but blood and we can see                that this love is easily corrupted. 

Eros - Romantic love, sexual attraction.

           It is easy to realize that this kind of love can be so very easily corrupted.

Philia - Friendship, a bonding over common interests and care for one another.

            This kind of love is strongly encouraged in the Bible. Paul wanted everyone to                 love one another in brotherly kindness yet friendships can grow distant and                     vanish as life circumstances change. 

Agape - The love that comes from God. 

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The greek word for love in the above verse is Agape. Agape is the type of love that comes from God. It is part of His character, who He is. It is. undeserving, unconditional, gracious and sacrificial. This kind of love seeks the best for the one you are loving. It is a choice, a deliberate striving for another's good. 

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In the verse above God offers grace to those who love Him in this manner. This means that we love God and want the same things that God wants. We seek to be in love with His will. And this is the only love that is incorruptible. 

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As parents we strive to love in the way that God does. We model this kind of love to our children. In fact, in John 13:35 Jesus tells us that the in world we know we are His disciples by how we love one another. Unfortunately, if we do not love, the world will also know that we are not of God. 

A very familiar passage in scripture is found in 1 Corinthians 13. This is commonly called the "love" chapter. It is read at weddings often. It gives us a good definition of the kind of love God offers and the kind of love He wants His people giving. 

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1 Corinthians 13:4-8 says, "Love is patient, love is kind, and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly; It does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account wrong suffered, does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all thins, hopes all things, endures all things.."

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This is the translation of these scriptures from The Message. I think they give us a good idea of the love God wants us to have. Read these and see how you are doing. 

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Love never gives up.

Love cares more for others than for self.

Love doesn't want what it does not have.

Love doesn't strut or have a swelled head.

Love doesn't force itself on others.

Love is not me first. 

Love doesn't fly off the handle.

Love does not keep score of sins of others. 

Love doesn't take pleasure in when others suffer. 

Love takes pleasure in the truth. 

Love puts up with anything. 

Love trusts in God. 

Love always looks for the best. 

Love does not look back. 

Love keeps going to the end. 

Love never dies. 

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I am a perfectionist and have very strong opinions on how things should be done. I guess you can call me a control freak. My way is best, according to me. I am a planner and a detail oriented person. When all the kids were under my control I thrived on running everyone’s lives. My kids learned that if they wanted to keep mom happy they should just do things my way. Now that is not always a bad thing. For sure children need guidance and mom does know best most of the time but I soon realized that this kind of parenting can get out of hand. Love does not seek its own the scripture says. Was I truly loving in the best way I could by demanding my way all the time? I have come to understand that love gives freedom. It allows others to learn, grow and find out the best way for themselves with you there to guide.

God does not force us to follow Him but He stands always demonstrating that He wants only our good and is patient to wait for us to come to our senses.
It is a struggle for me still sometimes to not want to manage everything but God is showing me how to build by loving better each day.

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Lets build toward un incorruptible Love!!

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Study Questions:

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1. As you look over the list from 1 Corinthians 13 what areas do you struggle with most in loving your children?

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2. What areas are you really good at?

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3. Do you find that you love differently those in your family compared to others in your life?

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4. What steps can you make today to improve how you love your family?

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WOMEN’S ROLES

LESSON 2

GAINING UNDERSTANDING

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As a young christian I once attended a ladies rally. I was so impressed with the speaker that day and although I can not remember her name or where she was from, I clung to a phrase she used and it has been a blessing in my life for many years. She spoke of dealing with difficult people in her life and how God had worked through those situations. Her words weren’t earth shattering and you may say it was not that profound but it pierced me to the heart. She said, “When dealing with people we must always seek to gain understanding.” There are reasons why people act the way they do. Instead of labeling someone and judging quickly, seek to understand their lives, their hearts and your feelings often soften and change.

I have thought about that so often as the years go by and it has helped me in my relationships as I seek to know someone and love someone. In my youth it was easy to quickly make a determination about someone and not put any effort into understanding them.

As wives and mothers God has given us a unique role of helper, as we examined in the last lesson. He has also equipped women with certain qualities to cause them to excel in this role.

GENERAL DIFFERENCES BETWEEN MEN AND WOMEN

Men are very compartmentalized. They tend to think of one thing at a time. God has designed men to be protectors, providers, and they are task oriented. Women, on the other hand can think of multiple things at the same time and are better at multi tasking. Women are designed to be nurturers and can feel deeply for others. God asks us to have our primary focus on managing the home while men’s primary role is leadership and provision.

Women tend to be better communicators when it comes to the emotions. While men can set tasks and accomplish them, it often doesn’t take into account the feelings surrounding the action.

Of course there are exceptions but as a general rule these things are true.

Because women are gifted with these tender qualities I believe that we can set the tone in our homes and be that safe place for our family. If we take the time to “gain understanding” with our husbands, and our children we can foster healthy relationships within the home.

The opposite is also true. When we lack understanding of each other there is no peace.

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We adopted our foster son after he had been with us for 4 years. He was 8 years old. He had been taken out of his home at 4 years old due to his mother’s lack of ability to care for him well. At the time the state did not impress upon us the importance of therapy, and the challenges of attachment under these circumstances. As I look back we were not prepared for the difficulties that were inevitably coming. We did not have understanding, nor were we encouraged to gain understanding.

At 18 he left home and I was devastated. He no longer called me mom and all I felt was hurt. I had given so much and this was the way he thanked me? Lack of understanding lead to no peace, and anger, and broken relationships.
We sought help from a counselor and she was able to shed light on our situation. She explained what was going on in our son’s mind and heart and I was able to understand. I could love deeper and patiently wait until he grew through his emotions.

I wish I had known. I wish I had been prepared. I wish I had gained understanding sooner. God has healed and restored our relationship and I will always be mom now. I praise Him for being the God of restoration. But the lack of understanding caused pain for years.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

We are called to be helpers. We spoke about how we are to help as God helps. I also think that God can be our example also as we seek to understand.

Our God knows us intimately!

Psalm 139: 1-4 “O Lord, you have searched me and known me! You know when I sit down and when I rise up; You discern my thoughts from afar...even before a word is on my tongue, behold, O Lord, you know it altogether.”

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Nahum 1:7. “The Lord is good, a stronghold in the day of trouble, He knows those who take refuge in Him.”

He knows our daily routines. He understands our thoughts. He is aware of our needs. We are fully known and loved by our Heavenly Father.

We can seek understanding in the same way.

Prov. 3:13. “Blessed is the one who finds wisdom, and the one who gets understanding.”

Prov 16:16 “How much better to get wisdom than gold! To get understanding is to be chosen rather than silver.”

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Matt. 5:9 “Blessed are the peacemakers for they should be called the children of God”

Hebrews 12:14 “Pursue peace with everyone, as well as holiness, without which no one will see the Lord.”

Rom. 14:19. “So then, let us pursue what leads to peace and to mutual edification.”

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HAVING YOUR FINGER ON THE PULSE OF YOUR FAMILY

 

1.) Take the time to communicate with family members individually about their thoughts, desires, and struggles. Be quick to listen and slow to speak. Show compassion and interest as they share. (This is more important than any household chore that needs to be done.)

 

2.) Find opportunities to grow as a couple. Attend events that focus on marriage. Read books together. Watch helpful podcasts.

 

3.) As you face behaviors that upset you seek to find out what is going on underneath. Don’t react right away before you pray and ponder what might be causing such behavior.

 

4.) Educate yourself with material that can enlighten you to the psychology of behavior. Our past experiences make us what we are. As we understand what may have contributed to our behavior it helps us find ways to change.

 

5.) Don’t be ashamed to admit we struggle. But don’t be closed to the fact that God can heal.

 

6.) Realize that it is a great calling to be the one who helps people understand. It is also a great burden. It takes sacrifice to put others first instead of just blaming and being angry. Selfishness will want to creep in and must be fought!

 

7.) It is exhausting sometimes. Have a trusted person in your life who can partner with you in prayer over your relationships.

 

8.) Remember that it is all worth it. It is worth every tear, every hard conversation, every feeling of rejection, every sleepless night to be the one who relentlessly seeks understanding, peace and love. There will be eternal blessings!

 

Galatians 6 : 7-10 “Do not be deceived; God is not to be mocked. Whatever a man sows, he will reap in return. The one who sows to please his flesh, from the flesh will reap destruction; but the one who sows to please the Spirit, from Spirit will reap eternal life. Let us not grow weary in well-doing, for in due time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to everyone, and especially to the family of faith.”

 

Some suggestions for resources

How We Love.                                                                                                Milan and Kay Yerkovich
Laugh your way to a better Marriage The Grace Marriage                        Mark Gungor

The Grace Marriage                                                                                       Brad and Marilyn Rhoads

You and Me Forever                                                                                       Francis and Lisa Chan                                                         

 5 Love Languages                                                                                        Gary Chapman


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