Finding What you Do Not Seek

A BBC television series that I enjoy watching is "Call the Midwife". This drama is adapted from the memoirs of Jennifer Worth who was a midwife practicing in the east end of London in the 1950's. She joins a community of nuns who are nurses at Nonnatus House and she lives with them and other midwives. This program grabs the heart in many ways and throughout all the joys and struggles of that time and place we find ourselves crying and laughing along with the characters. I find myself becoming a part of the friendships, families, and community there as I watch the episodes. At the end of each episode there is usually a narration, many of which were Jennifer Worth's words from her memoirs. At the conclusion of one episode I was particularly moved by the sentiment. The narration began, "Let in the truth. Embrace the real. Open your arms to the things you did not look for, For you will find what you did not seek, be given what you did not know you lacked and be lavished with a joy that takes your breath away."

This thought lingered greatly in my heart and mind as I meditated on it for days. It so beautifully expressed what I had recently been experiencing in my life. I could relate to this in a big way. Let me explain...

From an early age I felt I had to be in control of things. Having parents who struggled to get along, I took on the roll of peacemaker and assumed the responsibility of making everyone happy. If there was a problem, it was my fault and my responsibility to fix it. That, along with a perfectionist nature caused me to feel that I had to make everything right. And my way was the right way of course. Unfortunately it made me very anxious and negative when things were not right. ( IE "my way"). There were times when all I could see were the things I thought were not as they should be.

This is a dangerous road to walk, especially in ministry. Especially when my role as helper to my husband was substituted with being a critical, unhappy, and negative partner. All the good and positive things God was doing right in front of my face went unseen because all I focused on were the things I thought were not up to par. I had a vision of what I thought was success in ministry, more people, grander facilities, a larger volunteer base, better graphics, more perfected music, entertaining worship services, etc. and when it was not met I felt like a failure. Not only did I feel like a failure but I often made my husband feel like one too by questioning him on why we were not good enough to accomplish certain goals that I thought were important. I tried to micro-manage things and pushed my way into areas where, quite frankly, I did not belong. My behavior shouted to my husband that I did not respect his leadership. More serious was the message I was sending to my Heavenly Father. Could it be that I did not respect and honor God's plan and God's design and God's timing for our ministry? Could it be that my ungrateful spirit for the things God saw as important was hindering my marriage, my ministry, and the body of Christ?

You see, God is not only interested in the grand things. He delights in the simple, faithful, and unnoticed acts of service and ministry. He delights in the cheerful, grateful servant who consistently gives and loves and shares the gospel. He honored Noah whose obedience resulted in 8 being saved as much as He honored the early Church for 3000 being saved.

Alexander MacLaren, a Bible scholar in the late 1800's once said, "We have a very vulgar estimate that noise and notoriety and the securing of, not great, but big results of a material kind make the deeds by which they are secured great ones. And we think that the quiet things, those that do not tell outside at all, that are the small ones." He continued, " The most trivial of actions have a knack of all at once leading to large results. Small seeds grow into big trees. Whatever may be the issue-let us look after the motive and then all will be right. The way in which we do the little things forms character according to which we shall act when the great things come."

Another way to put it might be, "Enjoy the little things. For one day you may look back and realize they were the big things." Big or small, God is looking for us to trust Him and to do all we do with an attitude of joy and submission. Our focus is not to be our own desires but to have our hearts and minds open to see how God is working, big or small. To have contentment in where God asks us to be and serve results in great peace. To only look for God's applause and not man's recognition should be our humble aim.

I can testify that when I submitted to God's leading and I stopped seeking for my own way, I began to see things I missed in the past. This obedience lead to such a joyful spirit in my soul. And low and behold I saw my desires being granted. Or was it that they were there all along and I never noticed? Either way it doesn't matter. God is working all the time and He wants our trust, our love and our obedience to His perfect plan.

I can say without a shadow of a doubt that when I let in the truth and embraced the real and when I opened my arms to the things I did not look for, I did find what I did not seek. I was given what I did not know I lacked and I was lavished with joy that takes my breath away.

The narration continued, " Here are life's riches next to you. Here in the faces of your friends. In the laughter of your children. In the tenderness of those you love, work, and live with. This is community. Our end and our beginning. This is the best of everything we are."

The community and family of the Kingdom of God is precious and we who serve in that kingdom are all of great value to our Heavenly Father. Embrace the real of your calling. Serve with joy and faithfulness. Your cup will overflow!